A character in Babylon 5
Played by Jerry Doyle
Babylon 5 · 626 quotes
4th most-quoted character in Babylon 5: in 78 of its 626 quotes
Most scenes with: Susan Ivanova (15), John Sheridan (12), Stephen Franklin (10)
[A very drunk Garibaldi stumbles into his quarters.]
Michael GaribaldiSh...Show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I had a little...oh, that's a big drink...about an hour ago and it went right to my head. [pauses] What did I do...with that link? You here, Linky, Linky, Linky? Here, Linky? [finds his link] Oh, the missing link!
Michael GaribaldiBarring an act of God -- and since I don't believe in God, that kind of narrows the odds a bit -- by this time tomorrow, we're gonna be at war with the Centauri.
[arguing with Garibaldi] We made a mistake, I'm sorry. Here, open my wrists. [offers Garibaldi his wrists]
Michael GaribaldiCentauri don't have major arteries in their wrists.
Of course not! What, do you think I am stupid?
Just now, would you really have killed me?
GaribaldiYes. Yes, I would have. But I'm just as glad I didn't have to. The paperwork's a pain in the butt.
The last time I gave an interview, they told me to just relax and say what I really felt. Ten minutes after the broadcast I got transferred to an outpost so far off the star maps you couldn't find it with a hunting dog and a Ouija board.
Michael Garibaldi[smiling] Don't sweat it. Just be that charming, effervescent Commander we've all come to know and love. What's the worst that could happen? They fire you, ship you off to the Rim, and I get promoted to Commander. I don't see a problem here.
How sharper than a serpent's tooth.
Do you know what the last Xon said just before he died? [clutches chest] AAAAGGGHHHH!
. . .
[A drunken Londo climbs across a dinner table as he describes a collection of Centauri statues.]
This is Ben-Zed, god of food! And...Li, goddess of passion! And Mo-goth, god of the underworld, and protector of front doors. Gods by the bushel! Gods by the pound! Gods for all occasions!!
[He leans toward a discomfited Delenn.]
Have I ever told you that you are very cute for a Minbari?
[He crawls over to Garibaldi.]
Oh! And you are cute, too, in an annoying sort of way. Everybody's cute. Everybody's cute! Even me. But in purple, I'm stunning!
[He passes out on the table.]
Ah! He has become one with his inner self!
Michael GaribaldiHe's passed out.
That too.
[In a transport tube, Talia explains the finer points of telepathy to a client while Garibaldi looks her over.]
Casual thoughts are very easy to block, but strong emotions have a way of slipping through sometimes, whether you want them to or not.
[she suddenly becomes aware of Garibaldi's thoughts and elbows him in the stomach]
Michael Garibaldi[as she and her client exit the tube] Ooh! I think I'm in love.
You're a vicious man.
Michael GaribaldiI'm Head of Security. It's in the job description.
[Sinclair and Garibaldi are discussing the actions of Kosh during this episode]
They say God works in mysterious ways.
Michael GaribaldiMaybe so. But He's a con man compared to the Vorlon.
You're more trouble than a toilet full of snakes, but I couldn't run this station without you.
Michael GaribaldiCommander, I sense a huge pay raise coming my way.
Hah. Dream on.
[G'Kar makes the suddenly fugitive Garibaldi an offer.]
What if I told you a ship is ready to spirit you away to Narn space?
Michael GaribaldiI'd say "Why?"
You could serve us in various ways. Analyst, security, cryptographer. If you grow homesick we could arrange for your return to human space with proper genetic alterations. That, too, might serve our needs.
GaribaldiYou want me to betray my own world?
Stop seeing things in such absolute terms. The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements: energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest. Unless you comprehend that fact and soon, you will be cornered and caged.
Any ideas on how I should fight this guy?
Michael GaribaldiFrom inside a Main Battle Tank would be nice.
[Sinclair watches Garibaldi wolf down his food.]
They say food tastes better if you chew it first.
Michael GaribaldiDon't talk, I've seen you eat. Does the term "Doppler effect" ring a bell?
GaribaldiThere he goes–Jinx-...Thomas.
Mm-hmm.
You never did tell me what you think about that curse.
What curse?
GaribaldiYou know. That bit about if he leaves Babylon 5, the same thing that happened to Babylons 1, 2, 3 and 4 would happen to us.
Oh, that curse. You're not taking it seriously, are you?
GaribaldiMe? No, of course not. You?
No.
GaribaldiSo, how long until he hits jump?
[working her console] Oh, right about...now!
[the ship goes through the jump gate without incident]
GaribaldiNo boom?
No boom.
No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There's always a boom tomorrow.
[Sinclair and Garibaldi exchange an exasperated look and wander off.]
What?! Look, somebody's got to have some damn perspective around here. Boom. Sooner or later. BOOM! [N]
[Garibaldi enters the casino to find an angry, inebriated Ivanova mopping the floor with the patrons.]
Are you gonna arrest me, Garibaldi?
GaribaldiNo way! I wanna live to see the future.
John SheridanBruce Boxleitner · 141 quotes
Susan IvanovaClaudia Christian · 107 quotes
Londo MollariPeter Jurasik · 80 quotes
G'KarAndreas Katsulas · 72 quotes
DelennMira Furlan · 70 quotes
Jeffrey SinclairMichael O'Hare · 47 quotes
Stephen FranklinRichard Biggs · 43 quotes
Alfred BesterWalter Koenig · 28 quotes
Marcus ColeJason Carter · 28 quotes
Vir CottoStephen Furst · 27 quotes
Lyta AlexanderPatricia Tallman · 22 quotes
LennierBill Mumy · 21 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Babylon 5 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
