BBrujo
Come, I'll look inside of you.
Good, check the old prostate while you're in there?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Hey listen, if it's cool, I just wanna sit here and enjoy this place for a while. I've always wanted to spend time in "the city so nice, they named it Jacksonville".
Eli! You can speak?!
EEli
In here I can. It's your trip, Jefe.
Nice, you know I've always wanted to talk to you. Uh, just don't mention the stuff I do in the trailer when we're there alone.
EEli
Never.
All right then.
PBPablo Boliver
Kelly, you need to be careful of revenge. My uncle, he always said, "Pablito, beware anger, fear revenge." If once you start down that path, forever, it will dominate your destiny. Consume you, it will."
Did you just Yoda quote me?
I want a flamethrower. I'm serious! I lost my parents, got possessed. Flamethrower seems fair.
Life is hard and dangerous, and sometimes you just gotta chop off somebody's head to survive.
PBPablo Boliver
I wish I had my rusty chain, yo.
MMilitia
I'm gonna get you pregnant later.
Won't your sister be jealous of us?
[holding a gun] Fuck a flamethrower, this guy's got girth!
Don't you get it? Everybody dies here. It's just a rule. Death, taxes, more death, and I don't pay taxes. So all I know is death.
ASAsh's Hand
Maybe I grew another hand, or maybe the hand grew another me. What's the difference, Amanda? What's important is I can give you everything you want, and I want you. Is that so bad? I mean come on, a minute ago, you wanted me, too.
AFAmanda Fisher
Yeah, that's before I found out you were just some creepy tumor, that grew out the stump of a possessed hand!
ASAsh's Hand
Name calling, is not nice.
ASAsh's Hand
Kelly, when you were in junior high school, you told me you busted a stained glass window of a church.
By accident.
ASAsh's Hand
Then you punched a nun in the face.
She was being so dramatic about that stained glass, and she hit me first.
Okay, look, there is no way in hell they're gonna stay here, 'cause they're gonna get possessed, then they're gonna be on the night train to Kill-adelphia.
With stops in Choke-lahoma City, and Die-ami.
Nice.
I thought you'd like that.
Chopping up my evil clone. Maybe someday that'll feel weird.
NNecronomicon
To bury me is a mistake.
No. No, we are not having this conversation!
NNecronomicon
You should use me.
No, I already did that dance, made my life a living hell!
NNecronomicon
Only because you're trying to fight me. Stop fighting. Admit it, you're not all good either. Be smart, for once. Use me.
No. You're takin' a dirt nap.
NNecronomicon
Ash, if you bury me, you stop being a Superman, and go back to being a stock boy.
No!
NNecronomicon
Yes!
No, not this guy. I've got possibilities.
NNecronomicon
To do what? Have a family? Become president? Get rich? None of that's ever going to happen! I'm what makes you special.
Blah, blah, blah. Play's over, Shakespeare.
Ruby, gimme that book! You have no idea what you're doin'!
Of course I know what I'm doing. I wrote this book.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ash vs. Evil Dead pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.