Kelly Maxwell quotes from Ash vs. Evil Dead

Kelly Maxwell

Pablo, believe it or not, the rude middle-aged man ya brought is kind of ruining my "mom time".

Kelly Maxwell

I want a flamethrower. I'm serious! I lost my parents, got possessed. Flamethrower seems fair.

Kelly Maxwell

[holding a gun] Fuck a flamethrower, this guy's got girth!

Kelly Maxwell

Touch me again, and you're gonna need another wooden hand.

Ash J. Williams

Okay, wait. Another wooden hand in place of my real hand, or another wooden hand in place of my wooden hand?

Kelly Maxwell

Your real hand!

Kelly Maxwell

[after Ash has make makeshift graves for Kelly's parents] You know they were Jewish, right?

Ash J. Williams

I-I did not. Wish you could have said somethin' before I made those dumb crosses, but, okay.

Kelly, you need to be careful of revenge. My uncle, he always said, "Pablito, beware anger, fear revenge." If once you start down that path, forever, it will dominate your destiny. Consume you, it will."

Kelly Maxwell

Did you just Yoda quote me?

I'm gonna get you pregnant later.

Kelly Maxwell

Won't your sister be jealous of us?

Kelly, when you were in junior high school, you told me you busted a stained glass window of a church.

Kelly Maxwell

By accident.

Then you punched a nun in the face.

Kelly Maxwell

She was being so dramatic about that stained glass, and she hit me first.

Ash Williams

Okay, look, there is no way in hell they're gonna stay here, 'cause they're gonna get possessed, then they're gonna be on the night train to Kill-adelphia.

Kelly Maxwell

With stops in Choke-lahoma City, and Die-ami.

Ash Williams

Nice.

Kelly Maxwell

I thought you'd like that.