Did you paint a shadow on your face?
I was dressed up in blackface earlier. You're not the only one with stuff going on. Looks like you finally figured out the story.
No I didn't! I have no idea what's happening!
You WERE the story, Steve. You used all your pent-up sexual frustration to turn out the most elegant pornography this school has ever seen, but when you finally saw a little skin, it was too much for you, and you experienced what medical experts refer to as an ejacufaint. That's when 100% of your blood is in your wiener. You're lucky to be alive, Steve, and that's the real headline.
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