The Golden Girls quotes

465 total quotes

All Seasons
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Blanche: [to Becky] Let me get a look at you.
Sophia: This could take several hours.

Blanche: [to Dorothy] You are undoubtedly the meanest sick person I've ever met! Not to mention the most unattractive.

Blanche: [to Harry] Sophia's home just burned down.
Harry: [to Sophia] That's terrible!
Sophia: Not to me. It was a retirement home, and you know what they did? They set off the fire alarm, in a retirement home. Who can rush? Half the people have walkers, the other half can't get out of their chairs. But they've got bells going off like crazy! You know what that does to hearts that only beat a few times a week? It's not pretty!

Blanche: [upon seeing that she and Dorothy have purchased the exact same dress] It can't be!
Sophia: Hey, don't panic. Get one for Rose and you can go as The Pointer Sisters.

Blanche: All right, I want an answer and I want it NOW! Which one of you has been dippin' into my Vicks Vapo-Rub?
Rose: I took it, and my chest was already completely coated. I did it out of spite because you lost the pre-measured cap off my Ny-Quil!
Dorothy: Rose, I took your stupid cup and you know why? Because I feel lousy and being mean to you makes me feel better!
Rose: Dorothy Zbornak, you can go straight to H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks!
Dorothy: "Double Hockey Sticks"?

Blanche: All right, who put the Raisin Bran in the refrigerator?
Dorothy: I did, do you have a problem with that?
Blanche: Yes I do, I have two problems with it. First, there isn't room enough for it and second, it does not go in the refrigerator, it goes in the cabinet.
Dorothy: It does not go in the cabinet. It stays fresher in the refrigerator.
Blanche: No, it does not stay fresher in the refrigerator; if it stayed fresher in the refrigerator there would be a sign on it saying "refrigerate."
Rose: Actually, you're both wrong. It does not go in the cabinet and doesn't stay fresher in the refrigerator, it belongs in a glass canister. Not only is it visually appealing but you could see if they cheated you out of raisins. I thought everybody knew that.
Dorothy: You know, until I met you, Rose, I didn't know that people actually talked back to their Rice Krispies.

Blanche: Barbara, I picked up your first novel the other day.
Barbara: Ah, yes. "So Dark the Waves On Biscayne Bay", I've grown so much as a writer since then.
Blanche: Well, I should hope so.
Dorothy: Blanche!
Barbara: It's alright. Did you have a problem with my book, dear?
Blanche: Yes, as a matter of fact I did, all those waves! Big waves, little waves, dark waves, rollin' in! Page after page! I had to take a Dramamine to get through chapter three!
Barbara: Blanche, the waves are a metaphor. You see, a metaphor...
Blanche: I know what a metaphor is, dear. I'm not a dummy.
Rose: Blanche, what's a metaphor?
Blanche: It's when you use a phrase to mean somethin' else. Like when I say "Men are blinded by my beauty." They are not really blinded. They get their sight back in a day or two!

Blanche: But how can I say no to the man I love? I can't even say no the men I like.

Blanche: But [Dr. Clayton] wants me. I can feel it.
Dorothy: Let someone else feel it.
Blanche: But we were meant for each other. I'm a woman and, he's a man.
Dorothy: And what am I, Little Richard?

Blanche: Damn! I don't have one thing in black that isn't see-through.

Blanche: Do you wanna be buried or cremated?
Rose: Neither!
Blanche: What, do you wanna be flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?
Rose: I wouldn't wanna be cremated. I hate heat. And burial! I hate small spaces. I'm a little claustrophobic.
Blanche: Rose, you're not gonna know anything, you're gonna be dead.
Rose: Oh. Well then, burial I guess. But will you promise to put a blanket in with me?
Blanche: Why?
Rose: Oh, I'd just feel more comfortable... and cosier. And I'd want my pictures of Charlie and the animals. You know, the ones in the little silver frames. And, and, my pictures of the children. And, of course if I married again I'd want a picture of my new husband. And the candlesticks momma gave me.
Blanche: Rose, it's a coffin not a condo.

Blanche: Dorothy and I are gonna team up with the Kaplan brothers.
Rose: The Kaplan brothers! You mean you and Dorothy are joining a country western band?
Dorothy: That's the Gatlin brothers, Rose!

Blanche: Dorothy! I've just been speaking to that good looking reporter over there who just got back from Russia, and he told me some very interesting things. It snows there in the summertime, and they don't have many attractive women †do you realize what that means? When we go to Russia I will have my pick of any man in the country and you can make a snowman in June!

Blanche: Dorothy, do you realize it has been four days since I have enjoyed the company of a man?
Dorothy: I know, Blanche. I've been marking the days off on my "Big Ships of the Navy" calendar.
Blanche: I don't think I can stand it much longer! My body feels like a Corvette up on blocks with its engine racin', the wheels just spinnin' and spinnin' with nowhere to go! I feel like I'm gonna EXPLODE! [grabs Dorothy's hand] Dorothy, you have to help me, you have to do somethin'...
Dorothy: Honey, there's nothing I can do, so get that look out of your eye and let go of my hand.

Blanche: Dorothy, get the door. [walks towards Rose and Dr. Newman] Shrimp? [runs towards the kitchen]
Dr. Newman: She's a little uptight. I'm gonna have fun with her tonight.
Dorothy: Why don't we start dinner.
Dr. Newman: Good, what are we having.
Dorothy:[freezes for a couple of seconds] Short ribs.
[Sophia comes home early, and sees Dr. Newman, a little person. She just stares for a moment.]