Blanche: Dorothy, I cannot let you do this.
Dorothy: Blanche, get out of my way.
Blanche: I want that car, Dorothy. I will give you anything.
Dorothy: Blanche, we have to tell Rose the truth.
Blanche: I'll give you one of my sons. I have given this a lot of thought, Dorothy. I have had four sons, I have never had a Mercedes. What do you say? Which one do you want? Biff, Doug, Skippy-- no, don't take Skippy. He's got asthma.
Dorothy: Blanche, this has gone far enough.

Blanche: Dorothy, it deserves to be displayed on a devastatingly beautiful body!
Dorothy: Who you gonna to send it to, Kim Basinger?
Blanche: And what is that supposed to mean?
Dorothy: Why don't you think about it while you're inhaling your next cheesecake?
[Dorothy walks out]
Blanche: How dare she imply that I overeat! Makes me so mad... [she goes to the cupboard and opens it] Oh darn, we're out of Chips Ahoy.

Blanche: Dorothy, quick, turn on the television. Gil's press conference is about to start.
Rose: Gosh, I'm nervous. I hope they're not too hard on him.
Dorothy: Well, I wouldn't be too sure of that. Look at all of those reporters.
Blanche: Yeah! There's Charlie Thompson, and Fred Leone, and Mike Devlin!
[All of the girls give Blanche a funny look]
Blanche: I had lunch at the Press Club once.
Rose: Only once? Gosh, it took me two years to learn everybody's name on Eight is Enough!

Blanche: Dorothy, this is crazy! Since when do you care how you look?
Dorothy: I think it started when I came down from the bell tower and had my hump fixed!
Blanche: This dress looks sensational on me; people expect to see me in a sensational dress!
Dorothy: And what do they expect to see me in, a yarmulke and a Hefty Bag?

Blanche: Dorothy, where's my heatin' pad?
Dorothy: How should I know?
[Blanche lifts a cord running under Dorothy's blanket]
Blanche: Well, if this isn't it, I'd like to know what other electrical appliance you're using under that blanket.

Blanche: Dorothy, your husband's here.
Dorothy: I don't have a husband. Call the police.
(Stanley comes up behind Blanche in the doorway)

Blanche: Elliot made.... Elliot made-
Dorothy: What, what did Elliot make? A ship in a bottle? What?!
Blanche: Elliot made a pass at me.
Dorothy: He made a pass at you? You mean he winked at you. He's a very big winker.
Blanche: No, this was no wink. He came up behind me and put his big, masculine arms around my tiny little waist.
Dorothy: I don't believe you.
Blanche: What?
Dorothy: I don't believe he put his big masculine arms around your alleged tiny little waist.
Blanche: Well Dorothy, why would I make up such a thing?
Dorothy: Because you're jealous.
Blanche: Jealous?!
Dorothy: You are used to getting all the attention around here, and now someone comes along and wants me and not you, and it is eating your guts out.
Blanche: Eating my guts out?!
Dorothy: You know, you could never be a real friend to a woman, and you wanna know why?
Blanche: Why?
Dorothy: Because you're a slut!
Blanche: A slut!
Dorothy: Don't repeat everything I say.
Blanche: I'm not repeating everything you say.
Dorothy: You just did.
Blanche: I did not, nothing you say is worth repeating!
Dorothy: You, Blanche, are an immoral, backstabbing, self-centered Jezebel, and I am very glad that this happened, because now I know exactly what kind of person you really are.
Blanche: Well then, to hell with you and your oversexed boyfriend, Dorothy Zbornak! I'm just glad that little Mei Ling's coming out party was ruined!
Dorothy: Who?
Blanche: And, I'm glad that Elliot is bonging every woman at your country club!
Dorothy: What the hell are you talking about?
Blanche: Ask the towel lady!

Blanche: Girls, guess what I found. [takes a teddy bear from behind her back] Fernando!
Rose: That's not Fernando.
Blanche: Well what do you mean that's not Fernando? How could you tell?
Rose: All you have to do is look in his eyes.
Dorothy: Or at the price tag stuck to his back.

Blanche: Girls, we can't fire her now. She's making me an aphrodisiac.
Dorothy: Use vodka and black underwear like everyone else!

Blanche: He analyzed my dream.
Dorothy: What dream?
Blanche: Oh, that recurring dream I have where I'm running naked through a train that keeps going through tunnel after tunnel while a sweaty bodybuilder chases me. He said he thinks it's sexual.
Dorothy: He thinks ? For God's sake, Blanche, you smoke a cigarette after that dream.
Blanche: Not all my dreams are sexual! I also dream about food. Of course, I'm usually naked while I'm eatin' the food. I guess all my dreams are sexual. Lucky me!

Blanche: He was looking for a mother, not a lover. It was humiliating.
Rose: I think it's sweet.
Blanche: You would, Betty Crocker.

Blanche: Hurricanes can be kind of fun. I remember one when I was married!
Angelo: Married?
Blanche: Uh... Mary. When I was Mary in the Christmas pageant at the convent, remember that, Sister Rose?
Rose: Oh, yes, Sister Blanche is quite an actress.
Stan: She'd have to be, to make anyone believe she was a virgin!
Dorothy: Stanley, you're a pig in a cheap suit!
Stan: Ya know, for two cents...
Dorothy: ...you could get a better toupee?
Stan: Okay, that's it, I've had enough, I'm not going on with this anymore!
Sophia: [pointing] Angelo, look! Saint Francis of Assisi!
[While Angelo is looking away, Sophia slaps Stan across the face.]
Sophia: Shut up and play ball, you yutz! [To Angelo] False alarm, never mind.

Blanche: I also happen to have a room for rent, and the name is Blanche Devereaux.
Rose: Why would you name a room Blanche Devereaux?

Blanche: I am abhorred!
Sophia: We know what you are Blanche. I'm glad to finally hear you admit it.
Blanche: Sophia, I said "abhorred".
Sophia: A whore, a slut, a tramp, it's all the same.

Blanche: I don't normally speak to people who call me a liar.
Dorothy: Oh come on Blanche, we're in public now. There's no reason to be hostile.
Blanche: Oh, yes there is. I don't like you.
Dorothy: And horizontal stripes make you look like Roger Ebert!