The Golden Girls quotes

465 total quotes

All Seasons  Season 1  
Season 2
  Season 3  

Al Mullins: I'd like to ask you about your next-door neighbors, the McDowells.
Bobby Hopkins: They're not who you think they are.
Rose: You mean we invited the wrong people to dinner?

Al Mullins: We'll use the bathroom as a lookout and the kitchen as a base.
Sophia: Fine. We'll just cook in the fireplace and pee in the broom closet.

Blanche: [hearing a noise] Did you hear that?
Sophia: Yeah, and while I'm in my own bed, I'll do what I want! [others back away]

Blanche: [meeting Frank for the first time, is stunned that he is a priest] Good evening, Father. My, my, this must be an important cause. Don't you usually make the nuns ask for money? I'll get my purse.
Frank: I- I'm Frank. I'm here to see Dorothy.
Blanche: You're the hunk? I mean... forgive me, Father. That is, forgive my language, uh- not in your official capacity. I'm not even Catholic, I'm a Baptist and you can't forgive us Baptists. ... Sweet Jesus, why am I babblin'? ... I meant that in all due reverence. I never take the Lord's name in vain. Oh God, now I'm lyin' to a priest! Why don't you just come on in and sit down? I'm, I'm Blanche, I'm Dorothy's roommate. Would you get the door?
Frank: Dorothy's told me a great deal about you.
Blanche: [nervously]] Well, she seems to have left out one itty-bitty detail about you.
Frank: That I'm a priest?
Blanche: Uh-huh.
Frank: She didn't know.
Blanche: What'd she think, you were just a boring dresser?
Frank: She's never seen me in cleric's clothing.
Blanche: I didn't know you priests could take your clothes off.
Frank: We do a lot of things real people do.
Blanche: Except for one very important thing. Boy, is that gonna put a hitch in Dorothy's plans.

Blanche: [on the charity banquet] I told the manager, if he let us have that room, I would persuade my sister to sing for free in his piano bar!
Rose: You mean your sister Virginia?
Blanche: No, I mean my sister, Miss Susan Anton!
Dorothy: Blanche, how could you tell such a lie?
Blanche: He didn't believe me for a minute! He told me I was much too attractive to be related to her. But he gave us the room anyhow because he said he liked my moxie!
Sophia: And I bet you liked showing it to him!

Blanche: [on the difference between Jake and her "ideal" man] But I'm not going to let that discourage me from finding my Mr. Right, and I'm not going to compromise my standards either. I am simply going to look high and low, far and wide, and never lose heart, for I know one day my prince will come. [leaves]
Dorothy: Now what was that supposed to mean?
Sophia: I wasn't paying close attention, but from what I could make of it she's going to sleep with that little black guy Prince.

Blanche: [on why she never suffered from Empty Nest Syndrome] I couldn't wait for my kids to get out on their own. I got depressed watching them grow older, 'cause it meant I was gettin' older. They were like noisy little calendars. The minute they all entered high school, I told everybody they were my husband's from a previous marriage.
Dorothy: And you wonder why they're in therapy.
Season 3

Blanche: Dorothy, do you realize it has been four days since I have enjoyed the company of a man?
Dorothy: I know, Blanche. I've been marking the days off on my "Big Ships of the Navy" calendar.
Blanche: I don't think I can stand it much longer! My body feels like a Corvette up on blocks with its engine racin', the wheels just spinnin' and spinnin' with nowhere to go! I feel like I'm gonna EXPLODE! [grabs Dorothy's hand] Dorothy, you have to help me, you have to do somethin'...
Dorothy: Honey, there's nothing I can do, so get that look out of your eye and let go of my hand.

Blanche: Dorothy, your husband's here.
Dorothy: I don't have a husband. Call the police.
(Stanley comes up behind Blanche in the doorway)

Blanche: I am abhorred!
Sophia: We know what you are Blanche. I'm glad to finally hear you admit it.
Blanche: Sophia, I said "abhorred".
Sophia: A whore, a slut, a tramp, it's all the same.

Blanche: I feel that you have backed me into a corner, and when I am backed into a corner, I come out fightin' like a wildcat. Unless I've had too much to drink, in which case I slide down the wall and make mad passionate love on the carpet.

Blanche: I never had PMS.
Rose: Neither did I. But I had a BMW.

Blanche: I will not have that filthy beast in my house! It belongs in a barnyard!
Rose: This is not a farm chicken. Count Bessie is a showbiz chicken! Wait'll you see this! [exits]
Blanche: [to Dorothy] A showbiz chicken. What she do, play the piano?
Rose: [re-enters with a mini-piano] She plays the piano!

Blanche: I would do it [go undercover], but I'm afraid I might be too conspicuous. It's a dinner party and I plan to show cleavage!

Blanche: Maybe Michael needs a little exposure.
Rose: Exposure to what?
Dorothy: To plutonium, Rose.