The Golden Girls quotes

465 total quotes

All Seasons
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Rose: What a day. One sad person after another.
Dorothy: Rose, you work at grief counseling. What do you expect, comedians?

Dorothy: Ma, the taxi driver said you promised him a $67 dollar tip!
Sophia: Don't be silly, I said a $6, $7 dollar tip! Why don't these people learn English if they're gonna live here? This is Miami - I'd have less trouble getting around Ecuador!

Rose: Sit down, Sophia. You must be exhausted.
Sophia: Why? I rode in the cab, I didn't push it!

Harry: [to Sophia] You must be Blanche's sister.
Sophia: You must be blind!

Blanche: [to Harry] Sophia's home just burned down.
Harry: [to Sophia] That's terrible!
Sophia: Not to me. It was a retirement home, and you know what they did? They set off the fire alarm, in a retirement home. Who can rush? Half the people have walkers, the other half can't get out of their chairs. But they've got bells going off like crazy! You know what that does to hearts that only beat a few times a week? It's not pretty!

Blanche: We're going to New York for the honeymoon. I just hope I don't get murdered.

Rose: Oh Sophia, did we wake you?
Sophia: I heard noise, I thought it was robbers, so I hid my jewels. Now I can't remember where.
Dorothy: Ma, you don't have any jewels.
Sophia: Thank God, because I can't find them.

Rose: I know grief. It takes time.
Dorothy: Please, Rose. Listen, if you're Irish, you have a wake. You eat, you cry, you drink, you vomit and you're done. If you're Jewish, you cry, you sit, you eat for seven days. You put on ten pounds, and it's over. We Italians scream, dress up a donkey, hire a band, and that's that. It's these Southern Protestants who make it a way of life.

Dorothy: Let's go out and celebrate.
Sophia: What, that she came out of her room?

Blanche: [seeing herself in a mirror lying down] I'm going to have to meet men lying down.
Sophia: I thought you did.

Rose: I'll be fine.
Blanche: Is this about Arnie?
Dorothy: No Blanche, she's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke.

Rose: I don't know what to wear on a cruise.
Blanche: A life jacket and a great big smile.

Dorothy: Who cares Rose! Did you and Arnie hit the sheets or not?!
Sophia: Dorothy!
Dorothy: ...sorry.
Rose: Some women don't like to kiss and tell.
Blanche: Oh, shoot, honey, that's half the fun! Why, most of the men I've dated just for the stories!
Dorothy: You must have more stories than O. Henry.

Blanche: I wish I hired a decorator...Nancy Reagan's decorator. That'd kill my sister!

[Dorothy walks in holding a baby]
Blanche: Dorothy, what in the world is that?
Dorothy: It's a flounder, Blanche.