The Golden Girls quotes

465 total quotes

All Seasons  
Season 1
  Season 2   Season 3  

Alma: I'll buy you some of that bikini underwear.
Sophia: Nah, it rides up on me.

Blanche: [about Dirk] This is strictly off the record, but Dirk's nearly five years younger than I am.
Dorothy: In what, Blanche? Dog years?

Blanche: [about the movie Psycho] It's the reason I prefer not to shower alone.
Dorothy: Sure, Blanche, and Goldilocks and the Three Bears is why you prefer not to sleep alone.

Blanche: [about Virginia] It was the day before Christmas and we were playing and she jiggled the tree and the star fell off and broke. So she told me to pick it up and put it on my finger. And I did. Then she plugged it in. And WHAM! My eyes bugged out, my hair shot straight up, I did a crazy rollover dance all over the room, I'm sure my heart even stopped beating for a minute. Then she ran to Daddy and told her that I had broken the star and almost electrocuted her, and he sent me to my room for all of Christmas Eve and told me that Baby Jesus was mad at me for ruinin' his birthday.
Rose: Blanche, that's horrible.
Blanche: And that's not the worst part. That darn electricity straightened my hair! I used to have curly hair!

Blanche: [after being awakened by the ringing phone] I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo!
Dorothy: Boy, that's pretty jumpy.

Blanche: [after Sophia slaps David for mouthing off] Is that all you Italians know how to do, scream and hit?
Sophia: No, we also know how to make love and sing opera!

Blanche: [introducing herself to Dr. Clayton] My name is Blanche Devereaux. That's French for... Blanche Devereaux.

Blanche: [just as Sophia is entering the room] So Rose, you're seeing a psychiatrist.
Sophia: It's about time! The woman gives names to her gingerbread men!

Blanche: [on the car she was planning to sell Rose] It's the noisiest thing to come out of Detroit since Martha & The Vandellas.

Blanche: [on why she isn't wearing the same green silk dress she wore to last year's banquet] I decided too many people would recognize it. It is such a stunnin' shade of green.
Sophia: The only thing they'll remember is the way you fall out of it!
Blanche: Sophia!
Sophia: If you asked people the color, half of them would say, "Flesh tones"!
Blanche: Sophia!!

Blanche: [recalling the night her husband died] The night George died, the telephone rang and a highway patrolman said, "Pardon me, ma'am, do you have a yellow convertible and a husband named George?" I said, "Yes, of course, good grief, what's happened?" and he said, "Hold on, ma'am." Put me on hold with that music while you wait. I sat there at two in the morning listenin' to Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. And then, after an eternity, he comes back on the line eatin' chips. And he says, "Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm the only one here, my phone's been ringin' off the hook." And I said, "Officer, what about my husband?" And then he said - crunchin' his chips - "Oh, he's dead. Wrong way driver hit him head-on. Totally dead, ma'am (crunch crunch)."
Dorothy: Oh, no!
Blanche: Puts me on hold and then eats Doritos while he tells me my life is over! [about telling Mrs. Beatty about Al's death] Oh, Rose has to tell her. Rose won't eat chips.
Rose: I never eat chips, I don't like 'em. They fall in my bra.

Blanche: [seeing herself in a mirror lying down] I'm going to have to meet men lying down.
Sophia: I thought you did.

Blanche: [telling a story about "guilt"] Just about the time that George and I were getting serious, he was shipped off to Korea. Well, I wanted to do my part for the war effort so I took a job in a factory that made canteens. I figured that one of the canteens that I had riveted would find its way to George, and his lips would drink from the galvanized spout I had so lovingly fashioned, thereby symbolically reuniting us.
Rose: Blanche, that's a beautiful reason to take that job.
Blanche: Well, that wasn't the only reason. That factory also had a comprehensive dental plan, and I was in desperate need of a bridge and two crowns.
Dorothy: War is hell.
Blanche: So were my teeth. Anyway, while I was working on the assembly line, I met a young man named Andrew Beandorf. Oh, it was just a platonic thing, we just went out to the movies and dinner, but when George came home on leave, he was furious. He accused me unjustly of infidelity, while he was off fightin' in some foreign land, some God-forsaken land where people didn't even believe in Jesus, and he forbade me ever to see Andrew again. So of course I didn't.
Dorothy: So you lost a good friend, just because George made you feel guilty about it.
Blanche: That's right. I lost a good friend, and a wonderful companion, and an excellent lover!
Rose: An excellent lover???
Blanche: [laughing] Did I say excellent lover? I meant excellent riveter.
Dorothy: I can understand how you could confuse the two.

Blanche: [to Dorothy] You are undoubtedly the meanest sick person I've ever met! Not to mention the most unattractive.

Blanche: [to Harry] Sophia's home just burned down.
Harry: [to Sophia] That's terrible!
Sophia: Not to me. It was a retirement home, and you know what they did? They set off the fire alarm, in a retirement home. Who can rush? Half the people have walkers, the other half can't get out of their chairs. But they've got bells going off like crazy! You know what that does to hearts that only beat a few times a week? It's not pretty!