[internally, when he sees Beck for the first time] Well, hello there. Who are you?
[First line in the series]
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Beck: Hello. Do you work here?
Joe : Guilty.
[Beck's first words to Joe]
Joe: [reading Beck's card] Guinevere?
Beck: Yeah, my parents were assholes with the whole naming thing. But everyone just calls me Beck. And you're Joe...
Joe: Goldberg. Everyone calls me Joe.
Joe: At the end of the day people are really just disappointing, aren’t they? But are you, Beck? Are you?
Beck: Hey, I don’t wanna sound like a stalker but... I think I know you.
Joe: Oh, the... Right. Of course. I remember. I'm sorry.
Beck: I do think I would be happier if I was stupider.
Joe: But then the world wouldn't know your poetry.
Beck: How'd you know I write poetry?
I'm not a "maybe." I'm the one.
Sometimes I swear, I'm the only real feminist you know.
Did Beck tell you I started jogging?
PPeach
Fun! Runner's high is better than sex. And for some, may last longer. [referring to Joe and Beck's first sex encounter]
[internally] Touché, bitch.
Joe: [internally] I tried to be the perfect boyfriend, the perfect friend to your friends, and it wasn't enough, so, to hell with it. It's freeing in a way, to know so definitively where I stand. Where you stand. To know for certain what I have to do to protect you. And just like that, everything clicks into place. My feet. Runner's high. It is pretty great. And I remember, this is why I took up jogging.
[Joe hits Peach in the head with a rock]
Joe: [internally] Oh. She's dead. Of course she's dead, she fell. [starts frantically running away] That's right, she fell. An accident. Happens all the time, she was running and she fell. Into a rock. Over and over again. Okay, let's be real, she was attacked, someone attacked her, but maybe they had a good reason, right? You ever think of that, Detective? SHIT! Detectives are real and DNA is a thing and I just hit that girl with a rock — god, the sound, I would never hurt a woman — but she was a dangerous, flesh-hungry harpy. She forced my hand. That's on her and her family for screwing her up. I had to, Beck, I had to. I knew you'd never forgive me, but she gave me no choice. I'm not a bad person. She was going to ruin you. But you're safe now. Thanks to me. I just want you to live your best life. It's brave, what I do for you. It's not easy, it's hard. Sometimes it makes me sick. I'm brave. How many guys will do anything for the person they love? Honestly, Beck, you're lucky to have me.
Peach:[to Beck] Joe is trash. Joe is nothing. You're my family. I'd die for you. Would he?
Joe:[eavesdropping, internally] In a heartbeat.
[a mysterious woman walks into the bookstore]
[internally] Well. Hello, there. Who are you? You've got that hoodie. You don't like to be stared at. But your legs are bare. You like a little attention. Okay, I'll bite.
[she walks up to Joe; she's revealed to be Candace, the ex Joe thought he killed]
Hey, bunny.
Candace. You're...
Alive. Yeah. So uh... I think we have some unfinished business to talk about.
Joe: [internally, seeing a woman he is instantly enamoured with] Hello... you. No, fuck, no, I'm not doing that. I'm not gonna try to figure out who you are, why you look so concerned about the state of that heirloom tomato...
[she bumps into a customer]
Her: Oh, did I get you? Are you okay?
Customer: It's okay.
Joe: [internally] You have a way with people. They just like you. Your shirt is faded, but fresh. You like to take care of things. Your shoes are clean, but more. You walk in a town where nobody walks. I won't say hello. I'll accidentally bump into you. You'll never even know I was here.
[Joe walks closer to her and looks at the produce]
Her: [to Joe] Excuse me? Do you think this peach looks like a butt? There is no wrong answer.
Joe: It looks a little like a butt, yeah.
Her: Right? Hm. Thank you.
Joe: [internally] Are you flirting? I'd like to think you are, but it's just... I can't.
Joe: I should also inform you that... all peaches look like butts.
Joe: [internally] I should walk away.
Her: Oh yes. Well, thank you for your honesty. I might go out on a limb and suggest that... bell peppers can be extremely vaginal depending on how you cut them.
Joe: I hadn't noticed that, but I definitely will now. Thank you.
FForty
You gotta meet my girl, Amy. Amy, come here.
[Joe looks up; Forty's girlfriend Amy is Candace]
Hi there.
FForty
[introducing them] Will Bettelheim, Amy Adam.
Nice to meet you.
[internally] It can't be. Am I hallucinating? [shakes hands with Candace] This is her hand, this is real. Candace is here.
Will Bettelheim... What a great name. Almost sounds made up.
[internally] Is she trying to spar with me? [out loud] That's funny, I was just thinking, "Amy Adam." How totally ungoogleable.
[everyone laughs]
[internally] This is a game to her. She's enjoying this.
[to Candace] I'm so happy to see you again. [hugs her]
[internally] She's crazy, Love!
I'm also so hungry I could eat my own hand, so let's...
Oh, no, don't worry. Just eat mine. [they laugh]
[internally] Like the kids say, "Fuck my life."
[Delilah finds Joe's cage, but before she can leave with the evidence on her phone, Joe shows up]
I got a nanny cam in my apartment when my crazy ex... broke in. I was gonna ask if you wanted to have dinner tonight! Until I saw you'd already been by. And found some keys.
[someone calls Delilah]
Give me the phone. Don't make me take it.
DDelilah
What are you gonna do? I will scream.
It's soundproof.
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