Yes, Prime Minister · Season 2, Episode 6
“The Patron of the Arts” · Season 2, Episode 6
In this episode: James Hacker (6), Sir Humphrey Appleby (2), Bernard Woolley (2)
If there was a major crisis, you wouldn't need to go at all.
Is there a major crisis coming up?
Not really, Prime Minister.
Is there a distant crisis, that we could bring forward?
I know, what about the death of a cabinet colleague?
Ooh, is one imminent?
Well we can hardly hope for that to fall on the right day. Well, not by accident.
Sir Humphrey, I need help.
You do. You do?
I've got to make a speech. It could be very embarrassing.
Oh Prime Minister, your speeches are nothing like as embarrassing as they used to be!
I didn't say the speech would be embarrassing, Sir Humphrey. I said the occasion could be.
Ah, yes, yes, indeed. Why?
It's to be to a hostile audience of posturing, self-righteous, theatrical drunks.
The House of Commons, you mean?
There's a lot of terrible publicity if you take [arts money] away. The arts lobby is part of the educated middle class. It's one of the few ways they can get their income tax back. Mortgage tax relief, university grants, lump-sum pensions, Radio 3, and cheap subsidised seats at the theatre, opera and the concerts. You can't begrudge it us... them!
They do some good.
They don't, Prime Minister! They hardly do anything at all.
Well let's abolish them!
No, no, no, no!
Well of course we'll do what we can, but there are many calls on the public purse, you know. Inner cities, schools, hospitals, kidney machines...
Tanks, rockets, H-bombs.
Well we can't really defend ourselves against the Russians with a performance of "Henry V".
Dorothy, you've got to help me. This is a real hot potato. If I don't do anything, it could turn into a banana skin.
Prime Minister, a hot potato can't become a banana skin.
What?
Well if you don't do anything, a hot potato just becomes a cold potato.
Nobody would be able to call me a philistine then!
Not unless they knew you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Yes, Prime Minister pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
