Sir Humphrey and Hacker in “The Writing on the Wall”

Sir Humphrey

Minister, Britain has had the same foreign policy objective for at least the last five hundred years: to create a disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, with the French and Italians against the Germans, and with the French against the Germans and Italians. Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now, when it's worked so well?

Hacker

That's all ancient history, surely?

Sir Humphrey

Yes, and current policy. We had to break the whole thing [the EEC] up, so we had to get inside. We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn't work. Now that we're inside we can make a complete pig's breakfast of the whole thing — set the Germans against the French, the French against the Italians, the Italians against the Dutch... The Foreign Office is terribly pleased; it's just like old times.

Hacker

But surely we're all committed to the European ideal?

Sir Humphrey

[chuckles] Really, Minister.

Hacker

If not, why are we pushing for an increase in the membership?

Sir Humphrey

Well, for the same reason. It's just like the United Nations, in fact; the more members it has, the more arguments it can stir up, the more futile and impotent it becomes.

Hacker

What appalling cynicism.

Sir Humphrey

Yes... We call it diplomacy, Minister.