Xavier: Renegade Angel Season 1 quotes

What doth life? Are we just fleshy blips in some meaningless stew of cosmic oblivion? Or is it vice-reversa? Is our every trolip through fate's garden infused with a mystic--

(throws a bottle, shattering Xavier's shakashuri) Hey bunghole, cease that inner yappin'!

I don't want no trouble, mister.

Freak, if you didn't want trouble, you shouldn't have wandered into Burbury, Connecticut.

Please. I'm just a simple seeker on a spirit quest to discover... what doth life?

We don't cotton to freaks here in Burbury, and we's done hate freaks with open, unquenchable cans of philosophical thirst-worms! (spits on Xavier's face)

You're gonna regret that. (licks the spit off his cheek) You shattered my shakashuri.

I hope y'all can play it three feet up your ass.

Don't know, but I'd sure like to try.

Whatcha gonna do, bird beast? Fly away? On your cuttlebone?

Yeah, cuddle this b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bone. (pulls a bone out of his pants and throws it at Xavier's face.)

(kicks Xavier in the face, knocking him out)

I'm a survivor. We're a dying breed.

Life. You could say it started when I was a kid. Like most folks, I've always been different. But not like the others. Other kids could be cruel, they'd call me names: dweeb, chimp, honky, dweeby-chimp, honky-dweeb, and worst of all: chompsky-honk. Did you know there's over 87 combinations of those soul-scalding words? I found out the hard way. Life! Adolescence was better: went to the prom with a model, but she left with some jock. Dyke!

So you use your powers to save people?

(scoffs) Powers are for the weak. I have no powers. I mean, unless you count the power to blow minds with my weapons-grade philosophical insights.

If the computer virus is infecting people, then I need a human virus to infecticide the computer.

Welcome to the US Army, how can I help you?

I need some of that disease you guys invented.

Crack?

The other one.

AIDS?

That's the spice.

You'll need to fill out an HC24-A requisition form.

I don't have time for that.

(sighs) I shouldn't do this, but here. Someone left this in the lost and found.

Frittata!

Just got to dump this load in that dirty 'puter's floppy slot and collect my kudos.

I believe that we are all one. By helping this tiny mosquito, in a way, I'm helping your mother.

(outraged) He's comparing the universal oneness of all life to your mama!

Take that! Taste the pain!

Nobody has ever survived our initiation, come give it a try. Here's my card. It's got embossed gold 12-point Courier font on bone white semigloss stock.

Bone white? I thought we all agreed to get eggshell white! Absurdity!

I'm the leader! I say bone white! (thinking) Its haunting elegance is so restrained.

You were a hit! Everyone loves you now. You even have a girlfriend.

Really? Is he disabled?

Now boil his blood and get our drugs back. Charge him a recycling fee.

We all have our own way of killing. Me, I like to kill on the beach.

I like to kill to music.

This is kind of embarrassing, but I like to kill on the toilet.

I killed him hard. Pulled out his heart and showed it to him, and he was like, "Nice."

Okay, Thursday night is Mailroom Monday. We just got our new shipment.

What do you do if the cops come knocking?

We toilet-flush the drugs.

Let's stay one step ahead of the cops. Flush them now.

I like. One step ahead of la policia.

Maybe I do have more issues than a magazine stand, but all those magazines are poodle fancy. I never wanted to be a vato. I just want to groom and train poodles.

I secretly groom and train poodles.

Are you guys messing with me? Whenever you turn your back, I secretly groom and train poodles. Watch. Turn your back. (starts grooming a poodle) I'm doing it. I'm doing it!

I can't see. My back is turned.

(between punches) Give...me...back...my...son! Wait...sorry...I...mean...drugs!