Maggie Smith in “Unfinished Business”

I'm Dame Maggie Smith and this is my Christmas message to the nation. The Queen deserves a year off, and let's face it, some people say she's gone a bit stale. Not me. Au contraire. This is a time for reflection. Regret for those who have passed on and more regret for those who are still lingering about. It's time to spare a thought for those less fortunate than ourselves, like those with just the one Oscar. Poor dears. It's a time when we ought to think of giving gifts, and by we, I mean you. Hampers from Fortnum's and Berry Brothers are acceptable, but do not buy a goat in my name. Whenever will I get the chance to feed it? With my knees. But in the main, it's a time for hitting the sherry from one of the aforementioned hampers - oh, Selfridges, if you must - and then drunk dialing Benedict Cumberbatch and informing him of exactly what one would do to him if one was 40 years younger. And it would take all 12 days, I can tell you.