Yo. Can't you do anything that ain't a hundred years old? That ain't old school, that's decrepit.
MMaleeni
(patiently) Young man, shall I come heckle you on your job? Make sure you count out the requisite number of McNuggets?
“The Amazing Maleeni” · Season 7, Episode 8
In this episode: Fox Mulder (5), Dana Scully (4), Billy LaBonge (3)
So, basically he died of a heart attack, somebody crept up behind him, sawed his head off and then glued it back on all in the space of 30 seconds. (begins laughing) Does that make sense to you?
No. Which makes it even stranger still because, as far as I can tell this body has been dead for over a month. I see signs of refrigeration.
And yet he performed yesterday. What a trooper.
PPinchbeck
Come in. Good morning, Mr. And Mrs...?
(quickly; taking out his badge) Agents... Mulder and Scully. FBI.
What's in it for me? I mean, let's say I help you out. What do I get in return?
(hopefully) The feeling of pride that comes from performing your civic duty?
How did this impersonator switch out the dead body?
With ease. You're going to kick yourselves when I show you how he did this, it's so simple. 'Cause magic is all about... (wiggles fingers mysteriously) misdirection.
[Mulder does the same silly finger-waggle at Scully; she smiles and tries to ignore him.]
Your impersonator simply made sure everyone was looking the other way when he pulled Maleeni's body from its secret hiding place underneath... the floor. (Dramatically lifts one of the floor panels up from the bottom of the van, revealing... nothing; none of the other panels show anything either; surprised) Man, this guy's good.
Don't you find it odd that the amazing Maleeni's a lousy poker player? I mean, this is a guy who's adept at manipulating cards.
Maybe he wasn't so adept. LaBonge certainly doesn't have a high opinion of his skills.
There's another possibility. Behold - an ordinary household quarter. (holds up a quarter) I'm going to take the quarter from my right hand and place it into my left hand. (flourishes) Where is it?
It's in your right hand.
(shows empty right hand) Oh, no, no, no.
(taps his right hand; nothing still. She smiles, impressed) Ah... That's not bad.
(reaches out to grab her nose) Blow your nose, Scully.
(warning him) Mulder...
(holding her nose between his fingers) Blow your nose.
(deadpan) Ah-choo.
(quarter falls into his hand) Ta-da.
(amused) Amazing!
(proudly) The great Muldeeni!
You know, Mulder, there's still one thing that you haven't explained.
What's that?
How the Amazing Maleeni was able to turn his head completely around.
I don't know that.
I do. I'll show you. Observe. (gets down on hands and knees on the floor; Mulder grins. Puts her hands on the floor, turns one hand a full 360 degrees; Mulder is impressed)
Gee! Very nice. How'd you do that?
Well... magic. (keeps walking down the hall; he follows)
No. Seriously, Scully, how'd you do it? You know, it's not the same thing. It's different with the head. Come on. Look at this. (does the disappearing thumb trick; she ignores him)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The X-Files pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.