Jaskier quotes from The Witcher

Jaskier

I love the way you just... sit in the corner and brood.

Toss a coin to your Witcher, O Valley of Plenty

Jaskier

Are you perhaps short of a marble?!

Jaskier

(looks in the window and sees Geralt and Yennefer making love) They're alive! (pause) They're really alive.

Jaskier

(to himself) "Right the wrongs"?! Well Yennefer, I don't see how things could get any wronger!

Jaskier

Come on, you must have some review for me. Three words or less.

Geralt

(after long pause) They don't exist.

Jaskier

What don't exist?

Geralt

The monsters in your song.

Jaskier

Do you mind if I hop up there? It's just that I'm not wearing the right footwear.

Geralt of Rivia

Don't touch Roach.

Jaskier

Geralt? Geralt? Wh-Where are you going? Geralt, don't leave me. Hello? What are we looking for again?

Geralt of Rivia

Blessed silence.

Jaskier

This is the part where we escape.

Geralt of Rivia

This is the part where they will kill us.

Geralt of Rivia

That's not how it happened. Where's your newfound respect?

Jaskier

Respect doesn't make history.

Calanthe

Perhaps our esteemed guest can entertain us with how he slayed the elves at the edge of the world?

Geralt

There was no slaying. I had my arse kicked by a ragged band of elves. I was about to have my throat cut, when Filavandrel let me go.

But the song!

Jaskier

[through clenched teeth] Yeah, the song.

Geralt

At least when Filavandrel's blade kissed my throat I didn't shit myself, which is all I can hope for you good lords. [raises his tankard] At your final breath, a shitless death. [takes a drink; sotto voce] But I doubt it.

Geralt

(Casting a net into a lake) I'm not fishing. I can't sleep.

Jaskier

Right. Good. Well, that makes sense, so much that it sort of doesn't. What's going on Geralt? Talk to me.

Geralt

(Pauses briefly) A Djinn.

Jaskier

A what?

Geralt

I'm looking for a Djinn.

Jaskier

For a Djinn? Like a Genie? The floaty fellows with the bad tempers and the banned magics that sort of Genie? (Laughing)

Geralt

Yes, it'll grant me wishes. It's in this lake somewhere and I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP!

Geralt

Did you sing to her when she left you?

Jaskier

I did, actually, and she... why? What are you implying? (Geralt stares back) Oh, we are so having this conversation. Come on, Geralt. Tell me. Be honest. How's my singing?

Geralt

It's like ordering a pie and finding it has no filling.

Jaskier

(visibly taken aback) You... need a nap!

Geralt

(To thieving villager) I believe those are mine. (Catches coin purse from villager who then flees)

Jaskier

Geralt, they- with the- This woman just killed a man with her bare hands for trying to steal your horse.

Geralt

Maybe she'll make a better travel companion then.

Those Dwarves will be partnered on.

Bar man!

Jaskier

Geralt can handle them in his sleep.

Yarpen

Fucking right! (running up and jumping on the counter) HE SAID HE WANTS 4 FUCKING PINTS! Now!

Jaskier

Or, maybe a little bit awake.