Geralt of Rivia quotes from The Witcher

Geralt

You talk.

Of course I talk!

Geralt

(subduing Torque) What happened with you? Your mother fuck a goat?

I am Torque the Sylvan, a rare and intelligent creature!

Geralt

You're a dick. With balls.

Balls I got from humans, who left our food filled with iron meant to poison me! (Rips out a lock of Geralt's hair)

Geralt

Ow!

Did your mother fuck a snowman?!

Jaskier

This is the part where we escape.

Geralt of Rivia

This is the part where they will kill us.

Geralt of Rivia

That's not how it happened. Where's your newfound respect?

Jaskier

Respect doesn't make history.

(after Geralt hands him Renfri's brooch) What is this?

Geralt

For the Princess. If I can lift the curse.

You're giving me this because you do not expect to see morning.

Geralt

This isn't my first time trying to save a princess who others see as a monster.

What happened to that princess?

Geralt

I killed her.

Calanthe

Perhaps our esteemed guest can entertain us with how he slayed the elves at the edge of the world?

Geralt

There was no slaying. I had my arse kicked by a ragged band of elves. I was about to have my throat cut, when Filavandrel let me go.

But the song!

Jaskier

[through clenched teeth] Yeah, the song.

Geralt

At least when Filavandrel's blade kissed my throat I didn't shit myself, which is all I can hope for you good lords. [raises his tankard] At your final breath, a shitless death. [takes a drink; sotto voce] But I doubt it.

Geralt

(After saving Duny who insists that Geralt be rewarded) Fine. I claim the tradition as you have. The Law of Surprise. Give me what you have but do not know.

Calanthe

(horrified) No! What have you done witcher?

Geralt

Fear not your majesty, if I'm seen in your kingdom again it will be to kill a real monster. Not lay claim to a new crop or a new pup. Destiny can go fu- (Interrupted by Pavetta vomiting) Fuck.

I'm going to stay. Guide her.

Geralt

You're a good man, Mousesack.

You should stay too.

Geralt

This has been enough partying for me. I'm getting out of here. Alone.

You're bound to this now Geralt, whether you like it or not.

Geralt

I'm not for changing. You know me better than that.

Yes I do. But you can't outrun destiny just because you're terrified of it. It's coming Geralt. Not believing won't change that.

Geralt

Bullshit, this was just a girl using her magic to stop her mother from gutting her lover. Nothing more.

So you say. But the bond that will be come into being between you and this child, when it is born, will be extraordinary. If you dismiss it, leave without claiming this child surprise, you will surely unleash true calamity upon us all.

Geralt

I'll take that chance.

Geralt

(Casting a net into a lake) I'm not fishing. I can't sleep.

Jaskier

Right. Good. Well, that makes sense, so much that it sort of doesn't. What's going on Geralt? Talk to me.

Geralt

(Pauses briefly) A Djinn.

Jaskier

A what?

Geralt

I'm looking for a Djinn.

Jaskier

For a Djinn? Like a Genie? The floaty fellows with the bad tempers and the banned magics that sort of Genie? (Laughing)

Geralt

Yes, it'll grant me wishes. It's in this lake somewhere and I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP!

Geralt

Did you sing to her when she left you?

Jaskier

I did, actually, and she... why? What are you implying? (Geralt stares back) Oh, we are so having this conversation. Come on, Geralt. Tell me. Be honest. How's my singing?

Geralt

It's like ordering a pie and finding it has no filling.

Jaskier

(visibly taken aback) You... need a nap!

Geralt of Rivia

That's cheating.

Yennefer of Vengerberg

Nobody smart plays fair.

Geralt

(To thieving villager) I believe those are mine. (Catches coin purse from villager who then flees)

Jaskier

Geralt, they- with the- This woman just killed a man with her bare hands for trying to steal your horse.

Geralt

Maybe she'll make a better travel companion then.

Yarpen

(Extends hand to shake Geralt's hand) Name's Yarpen Zigrin.

Geralt

(Shakes Yarpen's hand) Geralt of Rivia.

Jaskier

And my name is Julian Alfred Pankr-

Yarpen

Aye! I know. (To Geralt) You'll fetch a goodly amount for that mare if you sell now!

Jaskier

Charming how everyone wants go get their hands on roach these days, isn't it?

Geralt

He means we won't make it out alive.

Jaskier

Wait, what? No one mentioned anything about impending death!

Geralt

Yennifer... do not tell me you've traveled all this way for made-up fertility cures using fresh dragon hearts?

They are not made up.

Geralt

They are. And seriously, you? A mother?

Do you think I'd make a bad one?

Geralt

Definitely. Yen, a child? What could you possibly want with a child?

They took my choice, I want it back. Not that I'd expect you to understand.

Geralt

I didn't choose to become a Witcher. (sighing) Listen, the people who made us, they made us sterile for a lot of reasons. One of the kinder ones is because this lifestyle isn't suited to a child. What? You were going to summon chaos on kings' orders in between feeding and naps?

Do not patronize me!

Geralt

I'm not, I've thought about this. Often. And I'd rather use my Child Surprise as Bruxa bait than subject it to this life!

What did you just say?

Geralt

Uh... Ah, fuck!

You have a Child Surprise? Isn't that rich? You lecture me on made-up cures for having a child, meanwhile you cheat with destiny to steal one.

Geralt

First you try to kill me. Then you lie to me. I'm just trying to keep Cirilla safe.

Queen Calanthe

Ciri is safe, with me, until the day she takes over my throne.

Geralt

Listen to me.

Queen Calanthe

I did listen once. Let a hedgehog into my court, it got me Pavetta dead. I won't lose Ciri too. So you and destiny can both fuck right off. Because if Nilfgaard comes, will destiny carry a banner into battle? No, we have an army, a navy, and me.

Geralt

A dynasty can't survive on arrogance alone.

Queen Calanthe

Says a Witcher. She needs family, you know nothing about that. Your mother cared so little, she discarded you.

Geralt

And you lecture me on a mother's love, yet offer up someone else's daughter.

Queen Calanthe

Queen to all of Cintra, grandmother to one. I won't orphan that girl.

Geralt

What changed?

I have a granddaughter.

Geralt

So protect her. What if Calanthe is wrong? What if they come and Ciri is trapped?

I fight side by side with my Queen.

Geralt

You put too much faith in that woman.

Well, you weren't there. After Pavetta died, Calanthe would wake up howling in the night. The Lioness, nearly broken. Someone who's able to pull themselves out of that, they'll have my confidence till my final day.