Jay Landsman quotes from The Wire

Landsman

[about McNulty and Bunk] Look at 'em, Cole. Don't it make your dick bust concrete to be in the same room with two noble, selfless public servants?

Landsman

It's all about self-preservation, Jimmy. Something you never learned.

Landsman

There is some charm to a woman in uniform. But the fact remains we work plain clothes in Homicide. Not to say that the clothes need be plain. For you, l would suggest some pantsuits muted in colour. Something to offset Detective Moreland's pinstriped, lawyerly affectations and the brash, tweedy impertinence of Detective Freamon.

Landsman

[to Bunk] Rawls and Foerster have crawled up my backside and they're gonna stay there until you find Dozerman's gun. Now, I would like it very much if I could unclench my ample ass cheeks, if you don't mind, and rid myself of that discomfort.

Landsman

[to Lester] We do not go looking for bodies. Especially moldering fucking John Does!

Landsman

[To McNulty] From everything we've given you, fire should be shootin' outta your ass. But there you sit, like a genital wart.

McNulty

All I did was answer the guy's questions, he's a fucking judge.

Landsman

And the Deputy's the fucking Deputy, and he, not the judge, has what's left of your be-shitted career in his hot little hands.

Landsman

I-- uh... he's detailed, Major, to narcotics.

Rawls

I fuckin' know where he's detailed. I fuckin' already know that.

McNulty

[on their way to see Major Rawls] What the fuck can I tell him?

Landsman

Whatever the man wants to hear, Jimmy. Whatever he wants to hear.

Rawls

What do you need?

Jay Landsman

Room to work. I keep ordering people off the scene, and... between Narcotics, DEA, and the two districts, we keep collecting more and more bodies around here.

Rawls

[raising his voice] Nobody move! I said, nobody fucking move! If you have not been assigned a specific task by a homicide detective, you need to step away from this crime scene. Is there anybody doesn't understand a direct order? If you have not specifically been instructed otherwise, then remove your useless, interfering asses from the area. Now! [to Landsman] Slow this thing down to a crawl. Give these bastards no chance to fuck up in a meaningful way.

Rawls

Sergeant! Your floater's come back. County boards are puttin' her on our side of the bridge.

Landsman

No fuckin' way.

Rawls

Yeah, some useless fuck in our marine unit faxed 'em a report on the early morning tides and wind currents. Shows the body went into the water west of the bridge and drifted out.

Landsman

McNulty.

Rawls

[laughs] Fuckin' Jimmy. Fuckin' with us for the fun of it. I gotta give the son of a bitch some credit for wit on this one. [laughs] Cocksucker.

Landsman

Motherfucker.

Landsman

All that from overnight?

All that from Freamon. He's out early today rooting through empties.

Landsman

You know what he is? He is a vandal. He is vandalizing the board. He is vandalizing this unit. He is a Hun, a Visigoth, a barbarian at the gate clamoring for noble Roman blood and what's left of our clearance rate.

Landsman

[At McNulty's "wake"] He was natural po-lice. Yes, he was. And I don't say that about many people. Even when they're out here on the felt. I don't give that one up unless it happens to be true. Natural po-lice. ... [pretends to choke up] ... But, Christ, what an asshole!

Landsman

Jimmy, I say this seriously. If I was laying there dead on some Baltimore street corner, I'd want you standing over me, catching the case. Because, brother, when you were good, you were the best we had.

Bunk

Shit, if you were lying there dead on some corner, it probably was Jimmy that done ya.