I love love. I do. Yeah. I have a soul mate, too, you know, that love at first sight, want to live forever, love is eternal kind of love? Amara. That's her name. See, the problem is when I first meet Amara, I was with another woman, so I kind of cheated on her, which to be honest with you, it really wouldn't have been that big of a deal except it turned out that the other woman was a raging lunatic. So when she found out that I cheated on her, she freaked out, turned Amara into stone, like, literally, Medusa style.
Dude, are you, like, ok?
What do you mean? You think I'm crazy? Why do you think I'm crazy? All I've wanted for the last 2,000 years is to reunited with the love of my life. How's that crazy?
Maybe the turned her into stone part.
Or the 2,000 years part.
No. Guys, we were both immortal, and now we're not. Hello? Look. The point is I finally had the chance to hold Amara in my arms, and what does she do? She jams a chunk of glass in my carotid artery. Look, look.
No, thanks.
Listen, you two. Here's my advice. Live it up. You know, enjoy this love while it lasts because let me tell you something. Just a couple of days ago, I was psychic, I was immortal, I was in love. Now my neck hurts, my soul is crushed, I'm sitting in a bus stop in frigging Delaware.
You're in Philly.
Im in Philly? Ohh! God, it's even worse.
(Doubles over clutching his side) Ow!
What's going on, babe? Hey. What's going on? Hey. Talk to me. (He starts gagging up blood) Oh, my god. What's happening? What are you doing to him?
I think I'm liquefying his internal organs. Did I fail to mention that I'm a witch?
Please stop. Please just stop.
No! I'm pissed off at the world, and I'm taking it out on your so-called lover. And I'm thinking you might be my next victim. (girl runs away) Look at that! Unbelievable. Love is so damn fickle. Incredible. Here you go, buddy. Come on up, come on up, come on up. Up you go. That's good, good. Buses, however... tried and true.
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