(As Malcolm enters his office, he finds, to his surprise -- or is it dismay? -- Geoff Holhurst. Geoff stands up to greet Malcolm.)
Right. Hi, Geoff, don't stand.
Oh. (Geoff sits back down)
No, no, I mean, "Don't stand against Tom." Now do you see what I did there? I was both being funny and also deadly serious.
Yeah, now where did you hear that, Malcolm? I'm not standing.
Never mind where I heard it from. The thing is, Geoff... (Malcolm sits down in his chair) You're gonna waste everybody's time.
I'm not standing, Malcolm. I'm just trying to start a debate, you know, a policy debate, about the future direction of the party and of the government.
Because first, you've got no credentials. I mean, you're so back bench you've actually fucking fallen off. You're out by the fucking bins where I put you.
Hello? Are you listening to me? I'm not standing.
Secondly, I'm gonna tell the Mirror about all the drinking.
(laughing) I'm not drinking.
And thirdly, I'm gonna tell the Mail about the affair. And fourthly, you've got a tiny head.
(offended) No I haven't!
Yes you have. It's out of proportion, everybody mentions it.
Look...
See? You're shaking it, and I can hardly see it move. Are you shaking it now? Are you shaking it now? I can't tell.
I'm not standing, okay? My head is the right size, all right?
It is very petite. So you're not standing...
No.
Right? You will not stand against Tom.
I've said. I've bloody said.
Okay, thank you, Geoff. Let's go. Arriva-fucking-derci. (Geoff gets up from his chair, and he and Malcolm shake hands.) Let's have lunch sometime, yeah? We'll have a tete-a-tiny-tete.
(leaving the office) Jesus...
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