The Rockford Files quotes

Jim

[stops for a hitchhiker] If I'm not being too personal uh, what kind of work do you do?

Marilyn Polonski

I'm a model. I just had a rough time with an 'occupational hazard.' By the way, thanks for the ride. My name's Marilyn Polonski.

Jim

Jim Rockford.

Marilyn Polonski

Most of the artists I pose for are interested in their work. This one today was a real grope-freak! [giggles] I grabbed my clothes, I ran so fast, I didn't get my 23 dollars.

Marilyn Polonski

It's my modeling fee: 20 dollars an hour with the clothes on, 23 for the 'real me'.

Jim

Is there enough business around to keep the 'real you' busy?

Marilyn Polonski

Almeria's 'bulging' with artists.

Marilyn Polonski

Is there anything you won't do for money?

Jim

Well, there's two things. I won't kill for it, and I won't marry for it. Other than that, I'm open to about anything.

Jim

I'm the national advertising manager for the Avocado Growers of America.

Marilyn Polonski

What'd he do, steal a crate of avocados?

Jim

He's our top animator. Yeah he took off and we can't seem to find anybody who can draw the avocado "Bandito".

Marilyn Polonski

You kidding?

Jim Rockford

Yeah.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] This is the blood bank. If you don't have malaria, hepatitis, or TB, we'd like to have a pint of your blood.

Jim

What's wrong?

Rocky

I am THROUGH talking to you! Look at you, an inch or two to the right and you'd be missing that eye!

Jim

Yeah, but look at it this way, an inch or two to the left and he'd have missed me completely.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] This is the Message Phone Company. I see you're using our unit, now how 'bout paying for it?

Where is she?

Jim

Oh, you're kidding. She's my get away free card.

You ain't got no "get away free card." You maybe got one chance in 10,000 of surviving the next 30 seconds.

Jim

For 10% I don't risk my neck. I just stand around and look tough.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] I staked out that guy, only didn't work out like you said. Please call me. Room 234, County Hospital.

Jim

[bends down and looks into open car window of rival P.I. Kirmit Higby] Hi Kirm, it's good to see you crawling out from under your rock from time to time.

I thought I gave you a good lesson last time, Rockford. What's wrong? Don't you remember how I spread your nose out for you?

Jim

Oh I remember; lucky punch. I'm not worried. Generally, you can hit the ground with your feet.

Well maybe you need to be taught another lesson.

Jim

Looks that way, let me help you.

Jim

Clumsy, clumsy Kirm. Ah well, it looks like you've got a couple of choices: either you can tell me what you're doing following me and why you knocked me out in Susan's room, or you can sit here with your hand in the door while I sharpen my right cross. Which is it?

[In pained voice] I didn't knock you out...

Jim

Okay Kirm, I'm going to let your dentist rebuild your whole mouth.

Suit yourself...

Jim

[Raising his fist Rockford is ready to punch Higby but falters as he looks at Kirm's pained expression, giving in to his softer side] Ah damn! [He pulls back, slapping the car door]

[as Rockford reaches in and takes the car keys] If it had been me, I'd have beaten you to death.

Jim

Yeah, I know... [then slams the car door against Higby's wrist once more for good measure before walking away]

You're a professional gambler! That's fascinating!

Jim

Yeah. Yeah it is, isn't it?

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] It's Doc Jones. What did you do to the hand, son - three fractured knuckles! You hit somebody?

You're not mad at me - are you?

Jim

No - why?

Because of what I thought back there.

Jim

No. You thought I was a crook? You made a normal, logical assumption.

I had no right!

Jim

You had every right.

Well, I really feel awful about it. Will you forgive me?

Jim

Jolene, do you know what you do?

What?

Jim

You apologize - all the time!

I do?

Jim

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] Hey Jimmy. This here's Titus Garrett. Remember me? From the Army? I'm stuck here in town. How about I come over and bunk with you, buddy!

I was told that you were very reliable.

Jim

Reliable...but chicken.