Look, I know you're just doing this to get, like, a little vacation from your marriage, but can't you just scurry back for, like, one week?
Being married to Meegan is like being at the beach, okay? You put up with all of this shit that's completely unacceptable in any other situation, except that, "hey, we're at the beach!" You know, it's like you're shivering in your shorts in 50-degree weather, but, "hey, we're at the beach." The truth is, some beaches suck. Some beaches are bad. And I know you can't really see this because you're still living at the beach, but I left. I can't go back to the beach, man. I'm done. [Ruxin just nods noncommittally] What, you don't ever think of divorce? Ever?
No. I mean, I've thought about it, but I would never do it.
What, do you have a moral stipulation?
No. If Sofia and I split up, 50% of my time, I would have to spend 100% of my time with my kid. Right now, I'm rocking, like, 50% coverage 30% of my time. You cannot beat those numbers. Also, if we got a divorce, she would get half of my money, making me ostensibly poor yet still paying her to just get pounded by other dudes, which will happen because she is still smoking hot, whereas I look like a Nazi propaganda cartoon of a Jew.
Wow, you have really crunched the numbers on this, my friend.
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