Jay and Mr Cartwright in “Unfinished Business”

Jay

Alright, Dad?

Alright there.

Jay

Dad, can I ask your advice about something?

What is it, Woman trouble?

Jay

Yeah, it is.

That little piece you were with the other day?

Jay

Chloe? Yeah. See, there’s this guy at school, right?

So she’s dumped you for this bloke? Well, that’s a lucky escape, I thought she was a facking pig.

Jay

No, she hasn’t dumped me, Dad. I think I love her.

So you’re back with the pig?

Jay

Dad, we didn’t split up, and please don’t call her a pig. It’s just that I’m just getting a bit jealous cos I think she might have seen a few more people than I have.

I’d say that’s a given, innit?! If she’s got off with more than one person, she’s beaten you hands down.

Look, mate. Women are like fairground rides. Fucking mental. Your only hope is that when she wants some, you do the best you can with your tiny equipment. Oh, and check where she is the whole time, that’s the only way you’ll be totally sure she’s not sucking off this other bloke.

Jay

Right. Thanks, Dad.

Although, let’s face it, she probably is. Fancy a beer?