The Goodies · 20 quotes[the Goodies have been told there's half an hour to go before the end of the world]
TimAt least there's time to do the ironing.
[Brings in the ironing board and a basket of laundry]
TimJust think, this is the end of Derby County... and the Muppets!
The Muppets?
TimYes, when we go, they'll go too, you know... oh, I do hope they don't suffer.
They're not real, you know!
TimWell, of course they're real!
Don't be silly... the Muppets are just dollies!
TimIf they're "dollies", how come they can sing and dance and make sophisticated funny remarks?
Look, Kermit the frog is a green sock.
Tim[suddenly disturbed] What?
Kermit the frog is a man on his knees with a green sock on his hand!
[to demonstrate, he uses a green sock as a glove puppet and imitates Kermit]
"Hello frog lovers, and welcome to the Muppet Show! I'd like to welcome our very special guest, Miss Piggy. Yay-ay-ay-ay!"
TimWell she has GOT to be real.
Pair of old y-fronts and a mop head.
[He holds up a pair of underpants and a mop head, and speaks like Miss Piggy]
"Hello Kermit, spawn of my heart, frog of my dreams!"
[as Kermit]
"Hi there Miss Piggy, and what can I do for you?" Fozzie Bear is a brown woolly jumper with a hat on!
[Holds up a brown pullover and a hat and speaks like Fozzie]
"Oh boy, funn-y! Oh Kermit, I hope those two old guys don't heckle me!"
[Holds up two sponge balls and imitates Waldorf and Statler]
"Boo boo, the bear's a comedian, the comedian's a bear! Boo, boo!"
[Waves a feather duster in Tim's face and bellows]
"A-NI-MAL!"
Tim[Nearly hysterical] No, stop it! Lies! LIES!
[holds up the green sock again and sings] "Halfway up the staircase..."
TimNO!
[runs into the kitchen, screaming]
I released his inhibitions through anger and violence! My work is at an end. I can die a happy man.
[Tim emerges screaming from the kitchen and throws the gas cooker at Graeme]
You shouldn't have hit me with that! You've ruined the cake!
