[a very smart customer, in dickie bow tie and bowler hat, marches into the shop]
Good morning, sir - and how are we, today?
Blooming, thank you. And you?
[on the back foot] Radiant, sir. Radiant.
Good, good. Now, I'm looking for a suit. Not to formal, not too casual. Lightweight, not too flimsy. A neutral colour, but not too dull.
Ooh, you know your own mind - don't you, sir?
Yes, I suppose I do.
Oh! A suit, sir. Suits you. Is that all you're after, sir?
Yes. After all, I have enough socks. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Have you ever thought about going at it full pelt with tranny, sir? Ooh! A shemale? A man-woman-man? Ooh!
Why do you ask?
[completely off-guard] It's just a matter of interest, sir. I take an interest in that sort of thing.
I see. And you?
Sir?
Have you ever sampled the unique delights of a ladyman?
[horrified] I really think that's none of your business, sir!
You're quite right! Now, this suit.
[subdued] Yes, sir. A suit, sir. These were tailored in Thailand, sir.
Anything goes out there - doesn't it, sir? Have you spent much time out there, sir? In Bang-COCK!
Not now, Kenneth, he's a live one...
Hmm? The sex capital of the world, sir? Hmm? But don't you feel grubby after a while, sir?
Yes, I generally feel I need a thorough cleansing after I've mired myself in the addictive world of pornography, prostitution and perverse sex games. One always hates oneself, don't you think?
Well, er...
One feels the need to reacquaint oneself with the finer things in life. With purity. With love. With innocence. And then... [hooks an arm over Ken and Kenneth's shoulders, and squeezes them to him] ...it's down with the trousers, out with the old chap, and come on ladies, come on gentlemen, come on you trannies! Fruits of the forest! Sapiers! COME SLIDE DOWN THE GREASY POLE OF MY DEPRAVITY! I'LL BRING THE CHICKENS!
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