Collately Sisters quotes from The Day Today

There was better news for Edge-Ledge-Wedge-Barge, who mustered 2.41, up 88 very slightly, but OxyMacGee flew back a ninth, despite a creeping bid from Connected Breathdumps, at four. On now the currency markets, how did the Pound fare? A quick glance at the currency cat... not too well, I'm afraid. There's a disconcerting 47° slope against the Dollar, Yen and Deutschmark, and if we project in four months the Pound leg is effectively amputated, leading to a rogue leg with no hip constituency at all.

And it was a rather cowy night for the pound: it stood at 3.79 against the German Bordello, that's up .5 against the Portuguese Starling and down a hundred against the Bitch.

On now to the money markets, and a quick look at the International Finance Arse. As you can see, the US and Japanese cheeks started off with a gap of 2.4, but increased trading forced the two together to form a unified arse at around lunchtime, which held for the rest of the day. In summary, then: oh no. Chris?

Time now for business with Collately Sisters.

Thanks, Chris.

[offscreen] Take her off the monitor. I don't want to see her face.

Here at home, from tomorrow the new Bank of England five pound note comes into circulation. The notes, which feature the head of Iggy Pop, can only be used once. [rests her head on the desk]

Thanks, Collately. Coming up: Bosnian old woman...