Stephen(8-07-2008) Take everything I say with a grain of salt, because my new sponsor is Salt. This Is the Colbert Report!
Played by Stephen Colbert
The Colbert Report · 250 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Colbert Report: in 250 of its 250 quotes
Most scenes with: The Wørd (5)
Lines by Stephen Colbert 239
StephenStephen(8-11-2008) In case of fire, remain in your seats till I'm out of the building. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(8-13-2008) If life gives you lemons, save the receipt! This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(8-14-2008) And tonight's Colbert Penny Pincher. If you're out of milk, add water to yogurt. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(8-15-2008) If I had a quarter for every time I said I had a nickel, I'd have five times as much theoretical money. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(8-26-2008) To the Democrats of the Mile High City, remember, if you drink liquor at that altitude, you might become interesting. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(8-27-2008) Hey Democrats. I'm getting a little nervous that you haven't invited me to speak at your convention yet. Joke's over guys. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(8-28-2008) Hey Obama. You wanna impress me with a speech on the 50 yard line of a football field? Give it during the game. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(9-02-2008) Shave and a haircut. 9 bits. Inflation. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(9-03-2008) Those Republican speakers dished out a lot of red meat last night. They should have their colons checked. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(9-04-2008) Warning, I may contain more than a trace amount of nut. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(9-15-2008) By the power vested in me, I now pronounce us, Host and Audience. You may kiss the screen! This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(9-16-2008) Hey TiVo users, watch for a hidden message during commercials when you watch them in their entirety. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(9-17-2008) Hey liquid paper, your bottle should say you don't work on computer screens. This Is the Colbert Report!
Stephen(9-18-2008) I know the knife is suppose to go next to the spoon... but where does the gun go? This Is the Colbert Report!
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