Paul and Bryan in “Unfinished Business”

What are you doing?

Practicing self-defense.

Oh, good- I thought you were having a reaction to medication!

Hey, Uncle Paul?

Yeah?

If I tell you a secret, will you promise not to tell Dad?

Yeah, but I have to warn you- if he gives me the slightest bit of pressure, I will crack like an egg!

I need some advice. I'm having a problem with a bully at school.

Ooh, Bryan- well, there's only one way to handle a bully. You have to stand up and be a man- and when he's not looking, kick him in the beans.

(winces)... I can't do that. (pause) This bully's a girl.

(raises eyebrows) Ohhh boy. (sits down) I've been there. My ex-wife used to bully me all the time!

How'd you get her to stop?

(deadpan) I gave her half my money. (Bryan stares at him incredulously) Well, you know what, actually more, because I'm paying her child support.

(confused) You don't have any children.

She had a very good lawyer.

I don't think money's gonna stop this girl. She's big, she's mean, and for some reason she loves to clobber me.

Hmm. Any chance you can outrun her?

... Depends on my allergies. (Paul nods hopefully) If there's a high pollen count, I'm dead meat.

...Ok. Well, I'll tell you what you do. Next time you see her, just drop to the ground, roll yourself up into a tight ball, and do not release until she is gone.

(skeptically) You want me to lie down and take a beating? How's that a plan?

Come on, give me a break- you're an asthmatic bull's-eye!