Papa Q. Bear quotes from The Berenstain Bears

Oh, my gosh! Here comes Mama!

Oh, no! What'll we do?

We could hide the lamp!

There's no time!

Well, we can at least hide the soccer ball.

Hurry, here she comes! Hide it quick!

Well, I'm back from my shopping. Did you have your milk and cook...? [She sees that her best lamp is broken] My lamp! My very best lamp! What happened to it?

Well, um...

You see...

It got broken.

I know it got broken! How did it get broken?

Well, it was a bird!

A bird? Yes. A bird!

That's right! A big purple bird with yellow feet!

Yes! And a red head and green wingtips.

And funny little red feathers sticking out of its head.

This bird, did it make any kind of sound?

It squawked.

It whistled.

That's right. It squawked and whistled.

Then it flew in the window, zoomed around the room, and broke the lamp.

Well, that was quite an experience.

Yeah.

Well, hello, group! How's every little... [He sees that Mama's best lamp is fully broken] HOLY CATFISH!! What happened to Mama's best lamp?

It's quite an interesting story. Why don't you tell it to your Papa?

Well, there was this big green-headed yellow bird with purple feet...

No! A red-headed purple bird with yellow feet.

Yeah, yeah. A purple-headed green bird with red feet and yellow wingtips and green feathers growing out of it's...

No, no, no! A yellow-headed green bird with red feet and purple wingtips and...

Just a minute, please! You've got me confused. Now, what was it, a yellow bird with green wingtips and purple feet, or a purple bird with green wingtips and yellow feet, or a white bird with black spots, like that soccer ball behind my easy chair? Well, do you two say for yourselves?

Now, Papa, don't be too hard on them. You see? I'm not worried about the lamp. We can always get a new lamp or we can glue this one back together. What I'm sad about is the thought that maybe, just maybe, my cubs whom I've always trusted, aren't telling me the truth. And trust is not something you can put back together again once it's broken.

It wasn't a bird, it was a soccer ball!

And it was all my fault.

It was just as much as my fault.

A penny for your thoughts, Papa.

Where's the penny?

Right here.

Well, what your old Papa was thinking about...

...was honey! [chuckle]

That's all you ever think about, Papa.

It's all very well to scoff. But the fact is that honey is very important to Bear Country. Not only is it nature's most perfect food, it's the foundation of Bear Country's entire economy. Why, without bees and honey, Bear Country would be in very serious trouble!

Well, I like that. Some unauthorized person has been using my modeling clay.

It took me a week to make those! [angrily goes to the jigsaw puzzle] Well, what about my jigsaw puzzle that some little twerp has been putting together?!

You no-good rat! I've been working on that puzzle for two weeks!

What about my clay dinosaurs?! I was working on them for a school project!

[walking to him] Oh, yeah?! Well, my clay is my clay and you have absolutely no right!

I have every right! You're always using my stuff: my skateboard, my hockey stick, my...

Never mind about your stuff, you no-good sword head!

You're the sword head, you little silly nit-wit! Why I oughta!

You just shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!

WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!

What in the world is going on up there?! I want that shouting stopped this instant! UNDERSTAND?!

It's all his fault! He called me names!

All my fault?! It's all her fault!

[in frustration] I don't care whose fault it is! [Brother and Sister go down the stairs] I want this fighting and bickering stopped! Stop... [leaning to them] ...you hear?! [Papa, Brother, and Sister Bear then argue at each other] WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS?! FAMILY FEUD?! I WANT THE NOISE STOPPED! STOP, YOU HEAR?!

I didn't know you whistle that loud, Mama.

Well, I can. And I can also tell you that I've had quite enough of this foolish fighting. Why, I don't think you two even remember what you're fighting about.