(sighs) I don't think I could take anymore, but our last hope is The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles on NES.
[The scene cuts back to the present.]
Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha. [pushes the Diarrhea Dial more]
[The scene flashes back to 2008 as the Nerd plays The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles on NES as his character dies three times and the Nerd groans in frustration.]
This is the worst Indiana Jones game of all! This is below any human standard of decency! I can't even believe this is real! Why did they make level one so difficult?! Right out of the gate, this game bullies you relentlessly! How were kids supposed to play this?! There's games that just suck, but then there's games that seem to be made with ill intent like this was designed to punish your soul as if someone hates you. Well, fuck them! They don't allow you to make any mistakes! You might be having a near, flawless run, but oops, you get hit, you lose your weapon, and then you're down to your fists, which is useless. You come to a wall of gun turrets, like the Contra level one boss. Good luck trying to punch that! I've given every ounce of my gaming spirit, AND I CAN'T BEAT LEVEL ONE!!!!!
[The Nerd growls angrily as his character dies multiple times and he has a heart attack.]
[groans] It's killing me! No, no, it's... actually killing me! Ahhh! Why did all these games suck?!
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