The Nerd in “Unfinished Business”

The Nerd

Moving onto the Super Nintendo, we have Spider-Man and X-Men in Arcade's Revenge. At first, I thought the arcade machine was gonna get revenge, but it's actually the name of the villain. You start out as Spider-Man, and I don’t mean to say everything always sounds like farts, but when your Spidey-senses go off, just listen! (Plays the Spider-Sense sound effect) The goal is to collect these little things in a specific order, as if just fighting your way to the end of the stage wouldn’t have been enough. So the game just started and already, it’s an annoying maze. At least there’s arrows to tell you where to go so I’m just going to follow… Uh… Wait wait wait wait, which which way now? Wha- Uh- Left! Right! Down! Up! Left! Right! Left! Down! Up! The arrows can’t even make up their minds. After you clear the level, you get a character select screen. Each character has their own stage. Wolverine's fighting clowns, Jack-in-the-boxes with machine guns, and toy soldiers from Wizard of Oz. Storm’s level is an underwater stage. I figured she’d be flying, not swimming. And here’s Cyclops’ stage. What the fuck? The floor’s electric?! That scream is hilarious by the way. (Plays Cyclops’ death scream) And look at that silly kick. Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! So to avoid the floor, always make sure to ride the cart. There we go! All good! (The minecart explodes, and Cyclops dies. In response to this, the Nerd drops his SNES controller and uses his left hand as a UFO to reveal a middle finger) And if you wanted Arcade's Revenge on the go, well, here’s the Game Boy version. Same game. Same old shit. Nothing more to say. Except that wall climbing. Oh man. Get up there! Get up there! Damn it! Ahh!