[playing Castlevania II: Simon's Quest Redaction] This game is a hack of Castlevania II by The Almighty Guru, as I said 10 years ago, the original game is full of problems.
How would you ever figure out that you're supposed to throw an oak stake at that orb?
One of the biggest problems in the game is how cryptic it is, and how none of the townspeople tell you anything that's useful. Instead of giving you clues like any other kind of adventure or RPG game, they just give you a bunch of nonsensical riddles. But here, in Castlevania II: Redaction, we have... real clues! Yeah! All the dialogue's been fixed, and now, it actually makes sense. I can't believe that somebody's actually been trying to fix this shitload of fuck. But what about the day-to-night transitions?
Why did they think that that would be a good idea and interrupt the gameplay? Did they think it would be more realistic? I mean, in real-life I don't have to stop in my tracks when the sun sets and a fuckin' box doesn't pop up in the air.
[In "Castlevania II: Simon's Quest Redaction", the box, which says, "THE MORNING SUN HAS VANQUISHED THE HORRIBLE NIGHT." appears, and the text moves faster, and so does the day-to-night transition. The Nerd is stunned.]
Wow, that was fast. I wish it was that fast in the original game. I wish it didn't happen at all, but hey, that's an improvement. In general, all the text moves a lot faster. I'm really digging the clues. It even tells me stuff I never even knew, like using Dracula's nail to take out blocks. [Simon destroys a block with Dracula's nail on his flame whip] I had no idea you could do that.
He doesn't look anything like Dracula. Instead, he looks like a Grim Reaper.
Even Dracula's face has been changed. It's still annoying how long it takes to collect hearts to buy stuff, and also those annoying invisible platforms are still there, but all these improvements are a good start. The most annoying cryptic thing of all, is how it never tells ya how to pass through the wall.
Would you guess that you're supposed to pass through this wall? You need to have a red crystal selected, and be kneeling down, and wait a little while before this magic tornado comes and takes you to the next part of the game.
[In "Castlevania II: Simon's Quest Redaction", the Nerd breaks a wall to find a clue, which says, "KNEEL AT THE END OF THE WASTES WITH THE RED CRYSTAL.", leaving him stunned. Then he drops the controller with happiness and shock.]
I've wanted to see that clue ever since I first played this. I've complained about it. Did uh... Did... my, my complaints... ring a bell? Did, did... did, uh.. Was.. w-- has the word of the Nerd been heard?! Have I contributed to how we look back at bad games? I've done it! It's not in vain! There is no retirement, the show must go on, I must continue reviewing shitty games because that's what the world needs! But where do I go from here?
[another montage of previous Angry Video Game Nerd clips are shown.]
I've had so many adventures within these four walls. I need to take the adventure outside! I need to go do something bigger! Something to top everything that I've already done! [sighs] But how do I do that?
[The Nerd thinks, then stares into the camera and nods as the episode ends, hinting at Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie.]
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