The Nerd, Young James and others in “Unfinished Business”

The Nerd

Happy Halloween. And guess what I have here? I was doing an autograph signing not too long ago, and one of my fans hands me this piece of paper. It's a petition to review Ghosts 'n Goblins. Yeah, he went through the line and got everybody to sign it. Now, what's there to say about Ghosts 'n Goblins? Well, it's not a bad game. It's made by Capcom so how could it? But, it's one of the most difficult games in the NES library. This game is harder than fossilized triceratops turds! I'm talking Mega Man combined with Castlevania, that kind of hard. Games this ruthless and unforgiving should be illegal. And I never got a petition to review any other game. That's a true testament to the game's legacy and the internal frustration that scarred us all since childhood. I remember my first time playing it: I got it for my birthday, the same day I got my NES.

You wanna play Ghosts 'n Goblins?

Yeah, I do!

Look!

I do!

The Nerd

Of course I had the Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt combo cartridge, but the first game I attempted was Ghosts 'n Goblins. That's right, this is the first NES game I ever played. And that's one Fuck of a game to start with.

Go on, shoot 'em, shoot 'em!

I don't know how!

The Nerd

Naturally, I got my ass kicked. This is what it would've looked like my first time playin' the game. I sucked balls. This new console was way different than the Atari 2600 I was accustomed to. In the 80's, these were the kind of brutal-ass games that kicked us into shape and heightened our senses. Made us into fuckin' tigers. And now, 25 years later, I'm gonna put my gaming skills to the ultimate test, and see if I can finally beat this fucker. Because, it's Halloween. There's no excuse. I can feel in the air. The time is right to play some Ghosts 'n Goblins.