[voiceover] I already mentioned how the game has nothing to do with the movie. You're collecting clocks, throwing bowling balls, and dodging bees, and other bizarre things. One thing I didn't elaborate on before is how Marty has some serious problem with his legs where he can't stop walking. You'd think this is a Goddamn flying game because you can't stop. Imagine all the problems Marty must go through on a daily basis, being cursed to walk for all eternity! Imagine trying to order at a fast food restaurant, or any restaurant. Imagine going to work or trying to use a bathroom or fly on a plane. He can only stand still when he's behind a counter at a Café throwing milkshakes. Anybody who's played this Café stage knows how unforgiving it is, and I've talked about it already. [a Café customer stops to talk to Marty, then he throws him against the wall.]
But wouldn't you like to know what the rest of the game is like? Do we ever see Doc Brown, or does the DeLorean ever make an appearance? Or any of the other things from the movie? Let's find out.
[voiceover] The rest of the street stages are all the same, except they change the color. "No effort. Time is money, don't design another stage. Just change the color, and kids will think it's different." Do they think we're idiots?
Then we come to an empty classroom where Lorraine, I guess, is shooting hearts at Marty. What, is he the teacher all of a sudden? And what's he catching hearts for? I suppose it's like in the movie where Lorraine has a crush on Marty, but that's his mom so he's trying not to let that happen. Why isn't he avoiding the hearts then? Oh, I see, I guess he's catching them in a book or something. It's the most literal interpretation of a movie. "It's about time, so let's have clocks! It's about romance, let's have hearts!" Was this game designed by a human being? Or did they just feed the movie into a computer to process and then shit out this nonsensical fuck-poop?
Once again, like the Café stage, you have to score at least 50 points. Then it's on to more walking stages, and after that, it's the Enchantment Under The Sea dance where Marty plays guitar. What do you do? You have to catch musical notes. What more did you expect? I'll tell you one thing, it's certainly no Guitar Hero or Rock Band. Why does Marty play the guitar like a stand-up bass the whole time? Why is he wearing a boiler suit? I guess the same reason he's wearing a black muscle shirt. Where's the red jacket or the suit? Couldn't they have gotten Marty to look anything like he did in the films? And what about the music? Wouldn't this have been an opportune time to hear Earth Angel or Johnny B. Goode? [notices music from the game] Okay, wait a minute. It is Johnny B. Goode on crack. [4 seconds later] If they can make the DuckTales theme sound awesome in 8-bit, why not this? At least you get some different music for once.
Next, more walking. And finally, the DeLorean. Yes, the DeLorean makes an appearance, after all. This is supposed to be the scene where Marty is trying to get back to the future. The streets of Hill Valley are getting slammed with repeated lightning strikes! All you have to do here is dodge the lightning. That's all. Why are you dodging lightning anyway? Isn't Marty trying to get the lightning to hit the DeLorean to generate the 1.21 gigawatts and send him back to 1985? Isn't that the whole fucking idea of the movie? Anyway, that's Back to the Future NES. No special ending, nothing. [The music from the game continues playing] Fuck that music.
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