[playing the Figure Skating event] I'm not even kidding, but if I were to give out an award, a big shit-dripping trophy for the worst controls ever in a video game, I think it would go to this! I mean look at it! I've never seen anything this unresponsive! I'm hitting every button combination possible! You know, all it needs to be said about Winter Games is that you push buttons. That's all it is. How's Winter Games? You ever play Winter Games? Yeah, you push buttons. That's it. Go like this! You're playing Winter Games! [footage of The Wizard is shown] You ever watch a movie where someone's pretending to play a video game, but you tell they're just acting; they're just going like this? They're playing Winter Games. Yeah. Who programmed this thing? Maybe it was Fred Fucks.
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