[Steven installs a TV, inserts a VHS tape in it, and Camp Pining Hearts begins to start]
On the last episode of "Camp Pining Hearts"…
I don't care that you're on the yellow team, Percy. We can make this work!
It's the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you?
[They lean in closer to kiss]
What is this strange ritual?
Uh, that's um…
Are they attempting fusion?
No, well, my dad told me during certain stages in your life--
How could anyone indulge in this baseless drivel?! I'll have no part of it! [through recorder] Hour 78 of "Camp Pining Hearts." [repeating Percy's line] It's the the color war, Paulette. Doesn't that mean anything to you?
Uh, you've been here for a few days. Is everything okay?
I've just been… watching your previously recorded entertainment.
Is that the same episode from three days ago?
There's more than one?
Hmm... nah. Oh, you made a picture. [reaches a piece of paper before Peridot snatches it]
Picture?! This isn't just a picture, Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at Camp Clod fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.
Well, that's 'cause Paulette likes Percy.
Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now, Pierre-- Pierre is a brute! Pierre laid waste to the three-legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formation! They'd destroy the camp!
You got all this from one episode?
It's subtext, Steven. Allow me to explain. [cut back to recorder held by Steven] Well, first of all, Percy and Pierre are both on the yellow team, and als-
Ugh, I remember this part. [fast-forwards recorder as we see Peridot speeding through the entire session; Steven soon falls asleep with Garnet now sitting on the couch]
[sped through] Percy is using his pogo stick to save her. Not to mention Percy is adept at aquatic sports. He would have won the canoe race if he weren't so busy drooling over Paulette, and the other part where Percy goes to the bottom of the lake to get Paulette's friendship bracelet proves that he has the largest lung capacity in the entire camp! And Pierre is a force to be reckoned with on land, when he hung Bunk Seven's underwear in the tree, the whole- [fast-forwarding stops] And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other! [Steven slumps down the floor; Garnet gives a thumbs up; tears up her complex chart, angrily] GRAHHH!!!
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