Star Trek: The Original Series · Season 1
[describing the planet killer] They say there's no devil, Jim, but there is. Right out of hell! I saw it!
Matt, where's your crew?
On the third planet.
There is no third planet.
Don't you think I know that?! There was, but not anymore! They called me, they begged me for help, 400 of them! I couldn't! I-I couldn't! [breaks into sobbing]
Bones... ya ever hear of a 'doomsday machine'?
No... I'm a doctor, not a mechanic.
Random chance seems to have operated in our favor.
In plain, non-Vulcan English, we've been lucky.
I believe I said that, Doctor.
[Decker has taken command of the Enterprise]
You can't let him do this, Spock!
You are out of line, Doctor.
So are you!
[pause]
...sir!
[Upon hearing he has phasers available] Scotty! You've just earned your pay for the week!
Mr. Spock, relieve Commodore Decker immediately. That's a direct order.
You can't relieve me and you know it, according to regulations...
BLAST REGULATIONS! Mr. Spock, I order you to assume command on my personal authority as Captain of the Enterprise.
Commodore Decker, you are relieved of command.
I don't recognize your authority to relieve me.
You may file a formal protest with Starfleet Command, assuming we survive to reach a Starbase, but you are relieved. Commodore, I do not wish to place you under arrest.
You wouldn't dare.
[Mr. Spock waves two security guards forward, who immediately move to flank Decker.]
You're bluffing.
Vulcans never bluff.
No. No, I don't suppose that they do. Very well, Mr. Spock, the bridge is yours.
Spock, comment.
Very bad poetry, Captain.
A more useful comment, Mr Spock.
If we weren't missing two officers and a third one dead, I'd say someone was playing an elaborate trick or treat on us.
Trick or treat, Captain?
Yes, Mr Spock. You'd be a natural.
You can't think a man to death.
Did you pay royalties to the owners of those patents?
Well, actually, Kirk, as a defender of the free enterprise system, I found myself in a rather ambiguous conflict as a matter of principle.
He did not pay royalties.
Knowledge, sir, should be free to all!
Who caught you?
That, sir, is an outrageous assumption.
Yes. Who caught you?
I sold the Denebians all the rights to a Vulcan fuel synthesiser.
And the Denebians contacted the Vulcans.
How'd you know?
That's what I would have done.
It's typical police mentality. They've got no sense of humour. They arrested me.
Oh, I find that shocking.
Harry Mudd (mistaking sarcasm for sympathy): Worse than that! Do you know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb V?
The guilty party has his choice: death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging...
The key word in your entire peroration, Mr. Spock, was..."death". Barbarians! Well, of course, I...left.
He broke jail.
I, er, I borrowed transportation -
He stole a spaceship.
The patrol reacted in a hostile manner -
They fired at him.
They've got no respect for private property, they damaged the bloody spaceship!
Well, opinions?
I think we're in a lot of trouble.
That's a great help, Mister Chekov. Bones?
I think Mister Chekov's right. We are in a lot of trouble.
Spock? - and if you say we're in a lot of trouble -!
Spock [eyebrow raised]: We are.
[pointing to Alice #27] I love you. [looking to Alice #210] However, I hate you.
But I am identical in every way with Alice 27.
Yes, of course. That is exactly why I hate you. Because you are identical.
[Alice #27 and Alice #210 are unable to understand. Their badges glow and beep as they process what Spock has said, but then they shut down from the effort.]
Fascinating. [departs]
[After Norman and the other Androids have been reprogrammed, Kirk and company prepare to leave Planet Mudd]
But what do I do? Kirk, I'm no scientist.
No, you're an irritant. You'll stay here and provide a first-class example to the androids of a human failure. They'll learn by close observation how to avoid ones like you in the future.
How long?
As long as you continue to be an irritant, Harry. It's up to you.
I suppose that taking everything into consideration, as it were, and noting all the different possibilities, I could manage. And as detention sentences go, this one isn't too uncomfortable. And I'm back in the galaxy again!
Yes, you are. Oh, there's one more thing, Harry. We've programmed a special android attendant to take care of your every need. She'll help you find an incentive to work with the androids and not exploit them.
I call that unexpectedly civil of you, Captain.
Yes.
[offscreen] Harcourt! [Mudd looks horrified] Harcourt Fenton Mudd, what have you been up to...?
Shut UP!
[To Mudd's horror, Stella Mudd won't shut up on command (at the start, he was able to control the sole android of this type) - and there are 500 copies of her...]
...
OH NO....KIRK, YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! IT'S INHUMAN!
[mockingly] Good-bye, Harry. HAVE FUN!
[Kirk, Spock, and McCoy discover that the man called Cochrane is really the famous Zefram Cochrane]
Believe me, Captain, immortality consists largely of boredom. What's it like out there in the galaxy?
We're on a thousand planets and spreading out. We cross fantastic distances and everything's alive, Cochrane. Life everywhere. We estimate there are millions of planets with intelligent life. We haven't begun to map them. Interesting?
How would you like to sleep for a hundred and fifty years and wake up in a new world?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Star Trek: The Original Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
