Richard Smith-Jones quotes from Slings and Arrows

Richard Smith-Jones

Anna, I can't comfort you. I'm on hold.

Richard Smith-Jones

Darren, everybody cries when they get stabbed. There's no shame in that.

Richard Smith-Jones

What the hell are we going to do? I mean, I know what I'm going to have to do. I'm going to have to go to the Minister of Culture and beg for money like some kind of blind hurdler.

Richard Smith-Jones

Darren, let me take you to breakfast and we can discuss the incident.

Darren Nichols

You make it sound like an ill-timed fart. I was stabbed! For the love of God!

Are you a man, Richard?

Richard Smith-Jones

What? [she slaps him]

Are you a man, or are you just a little puppy-dog who does tricks for cookie-treats?

Geoffrey Tennant

There's not enough fear here. Actors should be frightened for their lives. That's when they do their best work.

Richard

Really?!

Geoffrey

Mm-hmm.

Richard

That's just like normal people!

Geoffrey

Mm-hmm!

Richard Smith-Jones

OK, how would you advertise?

Richard, I don't use that word.

Richard

Advertise?

Yes, that is not what we do here.

Richard

You don't do advertising?

Richard, people are tired of ads in all their forms. They don't believe anything we say and it doesn't work. We at Frog Hammer ask ourselves very simple things. Is it wondrous? Does it move you? Is it culturally authentic? We believe that people are sick of being lied to. If you use truth, you can sell people anything. If you want people to react, to feel, to buy, tell them the truth! The truth is the new lie.

Richard

Fuck it. You're hired.

Richard

So Nadine's neck is broken? Is that what you're saying?

Yes!

Richard

We'll have to find a replacement.

Yes! And her neck is broken! Which is much worse than having to find a replacement director!

Richard

Yes! I'm not being insensitive, Anna! I'm just thinking ahead, OK? Let's send her some flowers, alright? A basket - big. Let's pray she doesn't sue.

Of course, because that would be truly horrible.

Richard

What? I'm not heartless! I'm just... I'm detail-oriented.

You know what you should do?

Richard

What?

Go crazy!

Richard

...I was really hoping you'd say something constructive.

Geoffrey

Look, if this is about Henry...what's done is done. And it's better this way. Jerry knows all the lines. He'll be fine.

Richard

Geoffrey, the only reason that we're selling any tickets at all is because of Henry Breedlove.

Geoffrey

He is defying my direction, he's in another play entirely, and he's infected the whole cast. Now I know you're worried about your job—

Richard

Geoffrey, I am worried about the future of the entire festival. Now: what is the point of putting on a play if no one comes to see it?

Geoffrey

Which would you prefer: an empty house with a great play, or a full house with a piece of garbage?

Richard

GARBAGE! GARBAGE! I want GARBAGE!