Abbie Mills quotes from Sleepy Hollow

Ichabod Crane

[after seeing two men holding hands] Is that considered acceptable now?

Abbie Mills

Oh! Lots of attitudes have changed since your days. Not everyone's, but Supreme Court has upheld the Constitutional right of same-sex couples, and more and more states are even legalizing gay marriage.

Ichabod Crane

I meant gentlemen wearing hats indoors. I know about homosexuals, thank you, I trained under Baron von Steuben. His affections for his own sex were well known. Also, I watched the finale of Glee.

Ichabod Crane

Oh, look! She comes bearing a selection of delicacies from the Far East.

Abbie Mills

Commonly known as Yummy Food Schezuan.

Nick Hawley

It was my first real, live monster.

Abbie Mills

You deal in supernatural armaments, Hawley?

Nick Hawley

Do people who sell Christmas trees all believe in Santa Claus?

Ichabod Crane

To George Washington, Commander of the American Armies, who, like Joshua of old, commanded the sun and moon stand still, and both obeyed.

Abbie Mills

Namaste. You guys definitely had better toasts.

Ichabod Crane

Oh, that one was Franklin's. Much as I begrudge his posthumous fame, the man was an unrivaled reveler.

Ichabod Crane

You shotten herring! You are a scurvy louse. You are a slop bucket. You are a puss sludge, no good, by-blow pair of buns!

Abbie Mills

Are you gaming online?

Ichabod Crane

I'm not entirely sure. One thing I know is that my allies and I had just obliterated the largest horde of rabid zombies I'd ever encountered, and then, suddenly, out of nowhere "ChiefWiggum49" and "Haloismybitch12" decided to frag me.

Abbie Mills

Life is but a series of choices. You chose to be a patriot and a hero. Someone who does not give up, or the world around him ends.

Ichabod Crane

Thank you, Lieutenant. It is through your eyes that I see myself most clearly.

Ichabod Crane

I'm 250 years removed from everything I ever knew. I shall need a job. A permanent abode.

Abbie Mills

Mm, 401(k), a mortgage, health insurance, credit cards, Social Security, an accountant, a dentist, your own set of wheels.

Ichabod Crane

Point made, Lieutenant.Point made. I may indeed have spent the past six weeks traipsing the woods with a loaded weapon because it is the only purpose I know. Without the threat of apocalypse, what is my place in the world?

Abbie Mills

  Is something wrong?

Orion

  Quite the opposite.  I was locked in purgatory for over 200 years.  Since I've been free…sunrise, the call of a bird…rare pleasures indeed.

Abbie Mills

  Does heaven exist?  Why are we here?  Did creation really take seven days?

Orion

  No.

Abbie Mills

  "No" to creation taking a week, or "no," you won't answer?  [beat]  How about dinosaurs?  You ever seen a dinosaur?

Orion

  Before my time.

Abbie Mills

  Judge mankind?  By what criteria?

Orion

  By their capacity to visit evil on each other.

Abbie Mills

  And you'll be the judge and carry out the sentence?

Orion

  As the Angel of Death passed over Egypt and took the pharaoh's firstborn.  As the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were burned for their wickedness.  As the waters of the great flood washed the world clean of man's iniquity.  My blade will cleanse humanity of its ills.

Ichabod Crane

  Where's my package?

  You can file a claim for seized items online.

Ichabod Crane

  Now look here:  The right to personal property is a fundamental—

Abbie Mills

  Crane, I'll make sure you get your stuff back later.

Ichabod Crane

The American Dream is dead! What else are we to conclude when the door to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is so cruelly slammed in our faces?! This nation was forged so that anyone who came to her shores may have the opportunity to place yet another brick on her imperfect masonry.

Abbie Mills

[to herself] Here comes Jefferson.

Ichabod Crane

Quoth Jefferson, "We have more machinery of government than is necessary".

Ichabod Crane

Lieutenant, I'm going to do it.

Abbie Mills

Do what?

Ichabod Crane

Become a full citizen of this country.  Yes, I have rejected my fealty to England, but I am yet to consummate my allegiance to this nation.

  Pagan symbols, a headless corpses, Hallowe'en—is it just me, or is something other-worldly going on here?

Abbie Mills

  [enters offscreen]  That sounds like our department.  [cuts to show Abbie Mills and Ichabod Crane standing at the door]

Abbie Mills

  Benjamin Franklin invented Sex on the Beach?

Ichabod Crane

  He called it Fondle in the Forest, but…

Abbie Mills

  [laughing]  Now you're just making things up.

Ichabod Crane

  You'll never know.