Doreau quotes from Sledge Hammer!

This is the leader of the group, Weird Willard Luxley. Luxley's family was so certain their son would turn out rotten they put him up for adoption three years before he was born. This is Feliz Navidad, a fiery Latin revolutionary who illegally entered this country as Julio Iglesias. Lastly, we have former member Kurt Kruggle, a despicable pervert. First arrested five years ago for making love to a fire hydrant. An additional charge was brought against Kruggle for parking in front of it.

You know, Hammer, looking out for Mr. Yates really showed me that you're not all hostility and vengeance. Mostly. But not all.

That man over there is a fiendish killer. Tied his dates to a magic fingers bed. Twelve women massaged to death.

How awful.

Made the Ten Most Wanted List. Also made Cosmo's Bachelor of the Month

Hammer, there's a report of gunfire in an apartment building a couple of blocks from here.

Hammer

Who needs coffee? That'll get me revved up!

In London the cops don't carry guns and criminals don't carry a gun. And London is a very safe city to live in.

Hammer

Yeah. Especially if you're a crook, and you've got a gun.

Captain, I think we can get the professor to Springfield without using a plane. We'll use an alternative form of transportation that no one ever uses any more.

Hammer

That's a good idea, Doreau. We'll take a stagecoach. I'll ride shotgun.

Captain, you don't seriously believe that Hammer shot Hugo Victor in cold blood, do you?

Trunk

Doreau, what I can't believe is that Hammer shot him only once. Restraint is not one of Hammer's strong points.

Trunk

Hammer, I must congratulate you on apprehending those bank robbers. I just can't believe that you were able to get them to surrender their weapons by reading aloud from the collected works of Rob McKuen.

It's great.

Hammer

You know, some of them were weeping openly. The truth is, poetry is more effective than tear gas.

Hammer

TRUST ME I KNOW WHAT IM DOIng

Trunk

HAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMER

Trunk

According to our findings, Elizabeth Jenkins escaped six months ago from a home.

You mean, "a home"?

Trunk

That is correct. And apparently while there, she became obsessed with TV police shows. Upon escaping, Jenkins used falsified records to enroll herself in the police academy.

So, after being stationed at the 33rd, she naturally fixated on a cliched, macho cop like Ginsburg. And when he rejected her psychotic advances, she killed him.

Trunk

That's right. And then transferred here... where another, similar murder almost took place.

Hammer

Wait a minute! You're telling me that someone with serious mental problems was able to slip through our screening procedures and become a cop? How could something as obscene as that happen?

Trunk

That's not the question, Hammer. The question is, "how could it have happened again?"