Buyer and Carl in “Unfinished Business”

You Carl?

Carl

Who's asking?

I answered an ad on Craigslist. Lookin' to buy some military gear.

Carl

It's all right here.

Cool. You take 75?

Carl

Ad said 100.

[Sighs] I figured I'd try.

Carl

Figured I'd walk away.

Wait, no, no, no. Here, here. It's fine. Hundred bucks. It's all there. I promise. I'm starting ROTC in the fall. I gotta train this summer.

Carl

Mm. So what got you interested in becoming an officer? Went down to the recruiting offices, played them shoot-'em-up video games?

[Chuckles] Something like that. Can I have the bag?

Carl

What, the recruiters make you think you're gonna become this officer, big war hero, leading men into battle?

I don't know. Maybe. I guess.

Carl

They tell you that you could be one of the very few, make a difference, that you could do something your life, change your destiny? Hey, might even become a general one day.

My mom's gonna start worrying if I don't get home soon.

Carl

You know that's a bunch of horseshit. They don't want guys like us to enlist as officers... You know, guys from the South Side, guys who aren't very smart, kinda slow. They're just trying to fill their quota, getting us hooked on the thrill of the kill. Then they spit us out when we can't handle quantum physics or even read.

I can read.

Carl

And then they leave us on the side of the road with the taste of blood in our mouths, and what do we do? We enlist as grunts. And while they get all the medals and cushy postings up in Japan and Germany, where are we, poor boys from disadvantaged backgrounds like you and me? Somalia, Fallujah, that's where. And then when we finally get sent home, it's in a body bag. Not me. Not Carl Gallagher. No, thank you. I ain't no one's human shield.

Can I just have my money back if you're not gonna sell me the shit? [Carl throws backpack at buyer's chest]