Have you had a chance to consider what sort of arrangements you'd like to make for your loved one?
Yeah, how do we get her into the ground as soon as possible?
Ah. Are you Jewish?
No.
Muslim?
No.
Catholic?
Not recently.
We offer memorial packages for families of all faiths.
Unless you offer something for narcissistic hedonists, let's focus on fast and cheap.
This is our most popular affordable package, the "Dearly Beloved." It's all inclusive. Preparation of the body, classic series casket, viewing, gravesite preparation, burial, and a lovely engraved granite headstone.
How much?
$7,600.
What else you got?
The "Everlasting Love." Preparation of the body, no viewing, wooden casket, engraved granite plaque, gravesite preparation, and burial.
How much?
$4,600.
Cheaper.
The "Eternal Peace." Preparation of the body, cremation, and a decorative urn for your loved one's ashes.
And?
$2,500.
[Scoffs] What can I give me for $500 or less?
A cardboard refrigerator box and a gallon of gasoline in our parking lot out back.
I'll take that one.
No love lost, huh?
It was... an eventful childhood. Okay, Connie. Connie, no bullshit.
Hmm.
What's the cheapest way I can get this woman into the ground?
[Takes deep breath and sighs] No embalming, we keep her in the fridge until we can cremate her and give you back the ashes in what is essentially an old coffee can. $750.
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