Alistair and Frank in “Unfinished Business”

Allow me to introduce myself. Alistair Huddleston. Can I buy you a drink?

Frank

Make it two. To men.

I work for "Return To Paradise Project." We're a transformational ministry specializing in conversion therapy. We return homosexuals to healthy heterosexual lifestyles.

Frank

Why would you go do that?

We believe that homosexuality is curable. Though some find pleasure in it, homosexuality is an addiction, an addiction that tears families apart.

Frank

I have a gay son. Never have to worry about him impregnating some skanky neighborhood slut and bringing home her unplanned-for half-breed. I wish I'd known I was gay back then. I could've risen high in any one of the many fields dominated by gays. Entertainment, politics, broadcasting. Tennis.

You're working for Abraham Paige's agenda?

Frank

I'm cleaning up. Helping the oppressed.

They're addicted, not oppressed, and we can pay you more.

Frank

How much more?

Stipend, room, board, and substantial speaking fees upon completion of therapy.

Frank

I draw the line at therapy.

But Frank, see, without the therapy, there's no cure. I want to be able to say we cured you. Gay is who I am now. Gay is who I shall be. Frank, you once walked the true path of heterosexual love. If I were to redirect you back onto that path, you'll be a much more compelling speaker for our cause, because you'll have been singed by the fires of hell, but lived to tell. Our therapy works. It starts with aversion techniques, conditioning you to avoid certain gay-sex triggers. Clinical fornication would start once you've practiced some of those techniques.

Frank

Sorry, clinical fornication?

We house you in the Delacroix Hotel, and deliver women to you to have sex with until you're cured.

Frank

I-I-I'm sorry, I interrupted you. What--?

We feel this is a lesser sin than sodomy. I grant that this seems unconventional, but new ideas are necessary to counter unwavering plagues. We're paving a road back to God, and the devil has erected obstacles that call for rule-bending in service of a greater good.

Frank

Throw in some walking around money, and I'll give it a shot.