Saving Grace · Season 1
I just got a call from the chief, who just got off the phone with the governor, who had just spoken to the richest cattleman in Oklahoma. Do you know who that is?
No.
You just knocked him on his ass.
That guy? Shit. Alvin something.
Alvin Green and you've got to apologize.
The guy was a dick.
Here's the deal. You're headed for hell, Grace, but God's giving you one last chance. He sent me to help you. I'm not going to be around all the time, so you can't just snap your fingers and expect me to show up. I'm busy! There's a lot of people going to hell these days. In fact, I need to be on a golf course in Florida in a few minutes, so we need to wrap this up.
So, what are you going to say to Earl the next time you see him?
Get the hell out of my dream.
Don't you want to get a list of questions together? I would!
Like what?
Like: Is Jesus the son of God? Was he conceived by the Holy Spirit? What happens when we die?!
What's the deal with cramps?
You said Earl looks like any normal guy from Oklahoma, right?
Yeah. A normal guy.
The stain on your shirt was tobacco and saliva, but the saliva had no genetic material in it.
What's that mean?
It means that Earl has no human DNA or plant or animal cells.
Well what's that mean?
He's another form of life. It means he's an angel, Grace.
Well, shit.
What's up?
Earl cooked me breakfast this morning.
He cooked you breakfast?
He's going to be a huge pain in the ass.
Grace, God has chosen you. God has chosen you. For whatever reason he's given you an angel and you're calling him a pain in the ass. Do you want to get struck by lightning?
Heard you're selling your truck for a little moped.
They can take my truck when they pry the keys from my cold, dead fingers.
Haha! Sounds fun!
tempting
How much longer, Rhetta?
A while. I have grown so weary of discovering new places for semen stains.
Seeing you outside that sleazy hooker motel, it made me nostalgic. Teary eyed!
What about you? Doing a flight deck walk across the parking lot?
Always inspires, especially in these heels. I'm so glad I get to order your ass around!
You get to try!
Okay, who are the assholes, who do I need to watch out for, and who are you screwing? Oh, please don't tell me it's that cowboy with the longhorn buckle.
I try not to hold that against him. He's a local boy.
He went to UT!
Played quarterback for 'em!
Gracie! What has happened to you! You used to have standards! Not much taste, but standards!
I remember once when you spent the night. We were like eleven and Johnny was in charge and we wanted popcorn, but he said no because it was lent. So I made some anyway but put too much butter on it and we both got sick. Remember.
No.
Johnny said God made us throw up to punish us.
Johnny's always been a tightass.
That's nice. You should send it to him.
I'm not sending it to anybody. I'm in a dead spot.
Try it now.
So you can handle cell phone coverage, but tornadoes, earthquakes, you let that slide?
That's too much paperwork.
Has he converted you, yet?
To what?
I don't know. Did he make you regret anything you like to do? Especially with me?
Yes, Ham, from now on, only our souls can screw.
You're an asshole.
You need to broaden your vocabulary.
Still seeing Ham? That's a yes.
I don't need your shit this morning, Earl.
Still cussing.
I'm late for work.
Still lying.
Don't you have to be in Cleveland or something?
Still a smartass. I hope he's grading on a curve this week.
You gonna deck him again?
Do you want me to?
Yeah. Show me your stuff.
You can't handle my stuff, Dewey.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Saving Grace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
