Earl Martin quotes from Saving Grace

Earl

Here's the deal. You're headed for hell, Grace, but God's giving you one last chance. He sent me to help you. I'm not going to be around all the time, so you can't just snap your fingers and expect me to show up. I'm busy! There's a lot of people going to hell these days. In fact, I need to be on a golf course in Florida in a few minutes, so we need to wrap this up.

Earl

That's nice. You should send it to him.

Grace

I'm not sending it to anybody. I'm in a dead spot.

Earl

Try it now.

Grace

So you can handle cell phone coverage, but tornadoes, earthquakes, you let that slide?

Earl

That's too much paperwork.

Grace

You're an asshole.

Earl

You need to broaden your vocabulary.

Earl

Still seeing Ham? That's a yes.

Grace

I don't need your shit this morning, Earl.

Earl

Still cussing.

Grace

I'm late for work.

Earl

Still lying.

Grace

Don't you have to be in Cleveland or something?

Earl

Still a smartass. I hope he's grading on a curve this week.

Grace

Don't you ever knock?

Earl

Don't you ever stop lying?

Grace

I didn't want company. Big deal.

Earl

Really? Because two months from now when you decide to have Wiley over for another booty call, he's going to be in the hospital with a brain tumor the size of a grapefruit. I'm just lying, but no big deal.

Grace

This is all your fault.

Earl

My fault? You didn't even know me when you told Rhetta that whopper.

Grace

It wasn't that big a deal. It wasn't like I planted the damn butt.

Earl

It was a big deal to Rhetta.

Grace

He was a serial rapist! He hurt a lot of people.

Earl

There's always going to be a bigger jackass than you. It doesn't excuse the lie you told.

Earl

I'm in town helping out a friend.

Ham

Good luck.

Earl

She don't want my help.

Ham

Maybe she does and just doesn't know how to ask for it.

Earl

She thinks she can do everything all by herself. I keep telling her nobody can, but the girl is stubborn.

Ham

She's got a lot of sharp edges? Any way you try to hold her you're going to get hurt.

Earl

Let me ask you something. How do you go about saving somebody who maybe doesn't want to be saved?

Ham

You figure that one out, you let me know. I don't think you've got much choice. No matter how mad you get, you love her. What are you going to do, you know?

Earl

[amidst the rubble of a tornado] There's always a bird singing somewhere, Grace.

Grace

Nice act of God you've got going here.

Earl

Not my favorite.

Grace

Her middle name was Edwina.

Earl

I'm sorry about the way this turned out.

Grace

Shut up.

Earl

Excuse me?

Grace

I said shut your God damned mouth. I'm tired. I can't listen to you anymore. I just wanted to get her out of there.

Earl

So you could send her to jail?

Grace

Yes. No. All I wanted to do was save her.

Earl

You did.

Grace

She's dead.

Earl

You just don't get it, do you, child?

Grace

What do you want, Earl?

Earl

I just want you to heal, Grace.

Grace

I'm sorry.

Earl

I know, child.