RNRon Nessen
Mr. President, you're signing your hand.
GFGerald Ford
Come on in and sit down, Ron.
[Nessen gets up from his chair, walks out the door, shuts it, reopens it, walks back in and sits in the same chair]
GFGerald Ford
Now what's this about a press conference, Ron?
RNRon Nessen
You called it, Mr. President.
GFGerald Ford
Called it what?
RNRon Nessen
No, you called the press conference, Sir.
GFGerald Ford
I see. [Looks over at Liberty] Heel, Liberty. [Looking back at Nessen] Sit down and make yourself comfortable, Ron.
RNRon Nessen
I am sitting, Mr. President.
GFGerald Ford
Ah! Then you must be comfortable.
RNRon Nessen
Yes, Sir. Thank you.
GFGerald Ford
I'm pretty comfortable myself.
RNRon Nessen
That's good.
GFGerald Ford
[Looks around the Oval Office] I just don't see what's so awful about this room, personally.
RNRon Nessen
No, Sir, Oval. It's the Oval Office, sir.
RNRon Nessen
Not awful, Oval, round.
President Gerald Ford has released a list of eight potential running mates for the 1976 election. Among them listed are Elliot Richardson, Charles Percy, Howard Major, and Sen. Edward Brooke of Massachusetts. White House sources said that Brooke, a black man, will not actually be a choice for a running mate, but that "The President will put his name as a token of his appreciation.
NBNorman Bates
Yes, a diploma in motel management can be your passport to prosperity, independence, and security, but are you motel material? Let's find out with a simple quiz. Question 1: A guest loses the key to her room. Would you (A) Give her a duplicate key, (B) Let her in with your passkey, or (C) Hack her to death with a kitchen knife. Question 2: Which of the following is the most important in running a successful motel? Is it (A) Cordial atmosphere, (B) Courteous service, or (C) Hack her to death with a kitchen knife.
[Jean-Paul got shot and fell into the snow]
TTTom Tryman
Uh-oh! Uh-oh! It looks to me like he's been accidentally shot by Claudine Longet!
[Jean-Paul regains balance on his skis]
JAJessica Antlerdance
Just grazed, I think, Tom..
[Jean-Paul got shot again and fell back into the snow]
JAJessica Antlerdance
Oh, no! That one got him, he's down! No, he's down this time...no, no! No, he's getting up!
[Jean-Paul continues to ski downhill, albeit a little awkwardly]
JAJessica Antlerdance
Always the mark of a fine athlete is the ability to recover in difficult situations.
TTTom Tryman
I can't believe he's going for the finish line... and -
[Jean-Paul got shot for the last time and fell down to the snow for good]
TTTom Tryman
Oh, no! Again... again he's been accidentally shot by Claudine Longet, and, this time, I think he's down to stay, Jessica.
[SNL Producer Lorne Michaels offering The Beatles a certified check to reunite on the show]
The National Broadcasting Company has authorized me to offer you this check to be on our show. A certified check for $3,000. Here it is right here. A check made out to you, the Beatles, for $3,000. All you have to do is sing three Beatles songs. "She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah." That's $1,000 right there. You know the words. It'll be easy. Like I said, this is made out to the Beatles. You divide it up any way you want. If you want to give less to Ringo, that's up to you.
[Dell Stator's Toad Ranch jingle]
When you're at home or on the road
And you've got to stop to crave that toad
Dell Stator's, Dell Stator's
Dell Stator's Family Toad Ranch!
[SNL Producer Lorne Michaels begging The Beatles to reunite on the show, increasing the offer that he previously made during episode 1.18]
I was able to convince NBC to sweeten the pot. John, Paul, George, and Ringo: we are now prepared to up the original offer to $3,200.
[Holds up a certified check payable to The Beatles]
As you can see, it's a check for $3,200 made out to you, The Beatles. Off the record, this increase comes to an extra $50 for each of you. That's if you split it equally. I'm still not sure what your situation with Ringo is. Furthermore, NBC will also take care of your hotel accommodation. Don Pardo, tell the Beatles what they can expect when they come to get that check for $3,200.
It'll be my pleasure, Lorne. First of all, the lads from Liverpool will be picked up by a radio-dispatched Checker cab that will whisk them to Cross Town Motor Inn, located in the heart of New York's fashionable garment district. Once there, they will check in in the recently renovated lobby. And then it's off to their rooms via round-the-clock elevator service, where they'll be treated like royalty as pitchers of ice water are hand-delivered to their rooms, and they can drink that water from glasses sanitized for their convenience. Oops! Ringo spilled a little something on his jacket? No problem: not with prompt 48-hour dry cleaning service. "In by Tuesday, out by Thursday!" And let's just put a shine on those shoes too, with a free shoe shine cloth. And, Lorne, since The Beatles will be staying in separate rooms, the four Mop Tops can still speak to each other as much as they want to because there is no charge for room-to-room calls. And, after "a hard day's night", The Beatles can sleep as late as they like with leisurely checkout time of 10 a.m. That's the Cross Town Motor Inn, a hotel tradition, hosting New York's visitors since 1971. "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Back to you, Lorne.
