Ooohhh, we all know what this is about, don't we? You're just jealous 'cause I've made something of myself.
Yeah, an ass. [Pause] And where did you get that hoity-toity accent anyway? I mean, you're from Illinois! You've been talking that away ever since you did that stupid play in high school.
Well, I'm sorry I don't have your dulcet tones.
I can't believe that I wasted 25 years hating you for something as stupid as a wedding, when there's a very good reason to hate you: you're a bitch!
I'm a bitch? Hah. I bow to the queen of all bitches. Do you want to know why I didn't want you to be a bridesmaid at my wedding? Because there wasn't enough tangerine chiffon in the whole state of Illinois to make your dress.
[pause]
Good one!
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