A large penis is always welcome.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
This is cack, this is! I'm wet through!
We're perfectly safe - a very favorable offering was made to Triton before we left.
Well, if Triton can't keep me drier than this, he can suck my cock!
[Ship's mast breaks]
Pullo, when will you learn to keep your fat mouth shut?!
Our men must win or die. Pompey's men have... other options.
Try to avoid bloodshed this time.
Wait a while, and Pompey can shave you instead.
lf l had known what wretched company and rotten food l would endure, if l had known what an old fool is Pompey, l would never have left Rome.
You may do as you wish. As for me, I intend to go from here and surrender myself to Caesar.
CCato
[outraged] Have you no dignity?! No honor?!
Some little, I hope. Not as much as you, of course.
[sympathetic] Caesar will kill you.
That may be. I'm not afraid to die. I'm tired. I want to go home.
His hands trembled, sir. His clothes were dirty, there was water in his eyes -- he is broken. I saw no need to apprehend him. I'd like to add that Legionary Pullo took no part in my decision, sir.
You saw "no need." Do you not see that Pompey may be broken like a Dacian catamite and still be dangerous?! If he is still living, he will be a standard around which our enemies will gather. As long as he can propped on a horse, he's dangerous! But you saw no need to apprehend him?!
I did not, sir.
[furious] AND WHO BY THE SONS OF DIS GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE SUCH JUDGEMENT?!
Sir, I am aware I have not done my duty and I respectfully ask your pardon.
My pardon, he asks. I ought to have you scourged and crucified! [long pause] In future, you will remember that it is I that offers mercy. No one else. Clear?
Clear, sir.
Dismissed.
[Vorenus and Pullo leave]
I don't like to disagree with you, but you're being far too lenient with him. He let Pompey go and you let him live?! The man should be made an example of!
Any other man, certainly. But those two, they found my stolen standard, stumbled upon the treasury gold, and now they survive a wreck that drowned an army and find Pompey Magnus on a beach. They have powerful gods on their side and I will not kill any man with friends of that sort.
PMPompey Magnus
It didn't seem possible to lose, it's always a bad sign.
KPKing Ptolemy XIII
[presenting the head of Pompey Magnus] We were going to make him a body, with moving arms and legs, and do a mime show with real animals and everything, and...
[furious] SILENCE!
[long, heavy silence]
Shame on the House of Ptolemy for such barbarity. Shame.
PPothinus
But... you are enemies.
(shouts) He was a consul of Rome!
[guards put hands to their swords]
A consul of Rome, to die in this sordid way - quartered like some low thief? Shame!
[another long, heavy silence]
Where is the rest of him?
Pothinus (stammering) It... he, has been cremated. With all proper funeral rites, of course! With all decorum.
Gaius Julius Caesar I will return tomorrow, at which time you will give me the man that took Pompey's life.
Pompey's murderer?
PPothinus
Alas, he has run away.
Find him. In the meantime... [motions to Posca, who produces a scroll and hands it to Pothinus] These instruments tabulate the money that was borrowed by his majesty's illustrious father, Ptolemy XII. In the name of the Republic, I have come to collect.
Seventeen thousand, thousand drachmae.
PPothinus
Seventeen?! Absurd! Four, perhaps.
The tabulation includes all moneys borrowed from Pompey and other agents of the Republic now... unable to collect.
PPothinus
That is not just.
Post mortem interests of this type are legally entailed to the presiding consul, i.e. Gaius Julius Caesar. It's law.
PPothinus
Roman law.
Is there some other form of law, you wretched woman?
PPothinus
One thousand apologies, forgive us.
[Ptolemy XIII arises from his litter, and snatches the scroll from Pothinus, throwing it at Caesar's feet]
PXPtolemy XIII
There! There's for your payment.
[Shocked mutterings from Ptolemy's entourage]
TTheodotus
[stepping forward] So sorry!
His majesty forgets he's a vassal to Rome.
PXPtolemy XIII
"Vassal"? "Vassal"?! I am no vassal! I am king! I am --
Sit down!
[Cowed, Ptolemy retreats back to sit on his litter]
Thank you.
I have conquered Gaul. I have defeated Pompey Magnus. I think I can handle a small boy and a eunuch.
Marc Antony: I'm glad you're so confident. Some would call it hubris.
It's only hubris if I fail.
Pullo, report to Princess Cleopatra and do whatever she tells you!
[Pullo reports for duty - which is to have wild sex with Cleopatra. Afterwards:]
[exhales] Gods, that was something, let me tell you...
I don't want to hear about it! If you're wise, you'll never speak of this again.
Why? I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too!
You should have no ill conscience, we only did what we have to do.
No doubt Saturn said something of the sort after eating his children.
MAMarc Antony
If I ever again hear your name connected with murmurs of treachery, I will cut off these soft, pink hands and nail them to the senate door.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Rome pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.