Titus Pullo quotes from Rome

Titus Pullo

Forculus, if you be the right god for the business here, I call on you to help. If you would open this door, then I would kill for you a fine white lamb, or, failing that, if I couldn't get a good one at a decent price, then six pigeons.

Pullo

Look here, Mars! Look here, Mars! I am Titus Pullo! These bloody men are my gift to you.

Titus Pullo

[on returning to Rome]] Here I come, girls! I'm gonna drink all the wine, smoke all the smoke, and fuck every whore in the city!

Titus Pullo

Now, your best method of pleasing a woman is the warm, beating heart of an enemy. Oh, women say they don't like it, but they do! Makes them wet as October!

Titus Pullo

[on Vorenus' toga candida] You look like laundry!

Titus Pullo

(holds up a cockroach) Janus, Gaia, and Dis, I humbly beg you accept this creature as my offering. And if it pleases you, I ask you to give Eirene long life. And same for my friend Lucius Vorenus and his family, if it's not too much. And... let Eirene know I'm sorry for what I did.

Titus Pullo

Nobody's a traitor until they are.

Titus Pullo

(to Caesarion) About your father...

Lucius Vorenus

[After a battle in which Pullo hit him and was clearly drunk, and is now being flogged] Legionary Titus Pullo is a hero of the XIII Legion, but look at him now! Justice knows every man's number. He has committed a terrible sacrilege, and he will pay for it with his life! As will any man here who breaks the law.

Vorenus

Brawlers and drunkards will be flogged. Thieves will be strangled! Deserters will be crucified!

Titus Pullo

[Being released, the flogging over] Is that it? I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

Titus Pullo

I have simpler tastes. I like to kill my enemies, take their gold and enjoy their women. That's it. Why tie yourself to one? Where's the flavor? Where's the joy?

Vorenus

Pullo, when is the last time you had a woman who wasn't crying or wanting payment?

Caesar

Soldiers! Pompey, and the Senate, have formally declared that Gaius Julius Caesar is an enemy of Rome!

Caesar

They have declared that I am a criminal. They have declared, in the fact, that all of you, ALSO, are criminals!

Caesar

Tribune's veto was not exercised! People's Tribune, Mark Anthony, and fifty men of the XIII were assaulted by a thousand head of Pompeian scum.

Caesar

A Tribune, of the Plebs, assaulted on the steps of the Senate house! Can you imagine a more terrible sacrilege!? Our beloved Republic is in the hands of madmen! This is a dark day, and I stand in a fork in the road - I can abide the law and surrender my arms to the Senate, and watch the Republic fall to tyranny and chaos, or, I can go home, with my sword in my hand, and run those maniacs TO THE TARPEIAN ROCK!

Caesar

Legionary Titus Pullo, step forward! [Pullo is surprised to hear his name, but doesn't move] Titus Pullo!

Caesar

Of fifty brave men of the XIII, whom fought Pompey's Thousand in the forum, and saved the Tribune, it was Legionary Titus Pullo whom drew first blood! [Picks up a purse and raises it] Here's five hundred Denarii!

Pullo

[Shocked] Very grateful, sir!

Caesar

Are you with me, Titus Pullo? Will you come with me to Rome?

Pullo

[Briefly stuttering] Yes- YES SIR! Certainly!

Caesar

Titus Pullo is with me! AND YOU, ARE YOU WITH ME!?

Titus Pullo

Also: very important. When you couple with her there's this spot just above her cunny. It's like a button. Now, attend to that button and she will open up like a flower.

Lucius Vorenus

[outraged] How do you know this about her?!

Titus Pullo

[momentarily gobsmacked] All women have them! Ask anyone!

Lucius Vorenus

[aghast] This can only mean that the Republic has fallen.

Titus Pullo

And yet, the sky is still above us and the earth still below. Strange.

Vorenus

How could Mars allow such a thing to happen?

Pullo

Maybe he was out having a crap and missed it!

Titus Pullo

What's your price, then?

One thousand.

Titus Pullo

Gerrhae! I could have half the whores in Narbo for that, and their mothers!

We're not in Narbo, wherever that might be.

Titus Pullo

All right, my dove, we'll pay, but the girl better fuck him like Helen of Troy with her arse on fire, or I'll know the reason why!

Titus Pullo

This is cack, this is! I'm wet through!

Lucius Vorenus

We're perfectly safe - a very favorable offering was made to Triton before we left.

Pullo

Well, if Triton can't keep me drier than this, he can suck my cock!

Vorenus

Pullo, when will you learn to keep your fat mouth shut?!