Lucius Vorenus quotes from Rome

Vorenus

Fortune pisses on me.

Vorenus

I AM A SON OF HADES! I FUCK CONCORD IN HER ARSE!

Vorenus

These are my daughters, redeemed from slavery. The eldest has been prostituted, the boy is my wife's child by another man. You will treat them with respect and kindness - or I will know the reason why.

Lucius Vorenus

[After a battle in which Pullo hit him and was clearly drunk, and is now being flogged] Legionary Titus Pullo is a hero of the XIII Legion, but look at him now! Justice knows every man's number. He has committed a terrible sacrilege, and he will pay for it with his life! As will any man here who breaks the law.

Vorenus

Brawlers and drunkards will be flogged. Thieves will be strangled! Deserters will be crucified!

Titus Pullo

[Being released, the flogging over] Is that it? I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

Titus Pullo

I have simpler tastes. I like to kill my enemies, take their gold and enjoy their women. That's it. Why tie yourself to one? Where's the flavor? Where's the joy?

Vorenus

Pullo, when is the last time you had a woman who wasn't crying or wanting payment?

Titus Pullo

Also: very important. When you couple with her there's this spot just above her cunny. It's like a button. Now, attend to that button and she will open up like a flower.

Lucius Vorenus

[outraged] How do you know this about her?!

Titus Pullo

[momentarily gobsmacked] All women have them! Ask anyone!

Lucius Vorenus

[aghast] This can only mean that the Republic has fallen.

Titus Pullo

And yet, the sky is still above us and the earth still below. Strange.

Vorenus

How could Mars allow such a thing to happen?

Pullo

Maybe he was out having a crap and missed it!

Titus Pullo

This is cack, this is! I'm wet through!

Lucius Vorenus

We're perfectly safe - a very favorable offering was made to Triton before we left.

Pullo

Well, if Triton can't keep me drier than this, he can suck my cock!

Vorenus

Pullo, when will you learn to keep your fat mouth shut?!

Vorenus

His hands trembled, sir. His clothes were dirty, there was water in his eyes -- he is broken. I saw no need to apprehend him. I'd like to add that Legionary Pullo took no part in my decision, sir.

Caesar

You saw "no need." Do you not see that Pompey may be broken like a Dacian catamite and still be dangerous?! If he is still living, he will be a standard around which our enemies will gather. As long as he can propped on a horse, he's dangerous! But you saw no need to apprehend him?!

Vorenus

I did not, sir.

Caesar

[furious] AND WHO BY THE SONS OF DIS GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO MAKE SUCH JUDGEMENT?!

Vorenus

Sir, I am aware I have not done my duty and I respectfully ask your pardon.

Caesar

My pardon, he asks. I ought to have you scourged and crucified! [long pause] In future, you will remember that it is I that offers mercy. No one else. Clear?

Vorenus

Clear, sir.

Caesar

Dismissed.

Mark Antony

I don't like to disagree with you, but you're being far too lenient with him. He let Pompey go and you let him live?! The man should be made an example of!

Caesar

Any other man, certainly. But those two, they found my stolen standard, stumbled upon the treasury gold, and now they survive a wreck that drowned an army and find Pompey Magnus on a beach. They have powerful gods on their side and I will not kill any man with friends of that sort.

Vorenus

Pullo, report to Princess Cleopatra and do whatever she tells you!

Pullo

[exhales] Gods, that was something, let me tell you...

Vorenus

I don't want to hear about it! If you're wise, you'll never speak of this again.

Pullo

Why? I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too!

Antony

Centurion Vorenus... as was.

Vorenus

[lying in bed] Sir.

Antony

[disgusted] Look at the fucking state of you.

Pullo

It's mourning dress, sir. He...

Antony

Mourning? You may well mourn. Caesar is dead, and it was you as good as held the knife. Stand to fucking attention when I'm talking to you! [Vorenus does.] You know that your name is disgraced forever?

Vorenus

I do, sir.

Antony

"I do, sir"? Why then are you still alive? Why have you not done your damned duty and opened your stomach?

Vorenus

I would like that above all things, sir. But Dis is my master, and he will take me when he chooses. At present, he wishes for me to suffer here, on this earth.

Antony

You are wrong, Centurion. Dis is not your master. I am your master, by sacred oath under the standards of the Thirteenth. [stoops to pick up the rotting head on the floor] And this, I take it, was Erastes Fulmen?

Pullo

I told him to get rid, but it calms him to look at the thing.

Antony

Not content to let our great father die, you start a damn war on the Aventine that threatens to engulf the whole fucking city! [tosses Erastes' head out the door] Now... would you like a chance to redeem yourself, Centurion?

Vorenus

There's no redemption.

Antony

No man is beyond redemption, Lucius. Not even you.

Vorenus

Sir your wife instructed me to tell you something.

Antony

Oh?

Vorenus

She instructed me to tell you that "you are cowardly scum".

Antony

[laughs] She did, did she? And what's your opinion of that?

Vorenus

It's not my place to have an opinion , Sir.

Antony

Ah, tell me anyway.

Vorenus

Is that an order?

Antony

Yes. That's an order.

Vorenus

You're no coward, but you do have a strong disease in your soul. A disease that will eat away at you, until you die.

Antony

Really? Hmm... and what is this disease?

Vorenus

I don't know. I'm not a doctor.

Antony

No, no you're not. So how can you be so sure of your diagnosis?

Vorenus

I recognize your symptoms. I have the same sickness.

Antony

Do you believe there is an afterlife?

Vorenus

Of course.

Antony

Well, there are people who say no. And this is all there is.

Vorenus

Who says that?

Antony

Learned men. Greeks, probably.

Vorenus

Greeks?

Antony

Mmm.

Vorenus

Greeks talk a whole pile of nonsense.

Antony

Fuck 'em.

Vorenus

Fuck 'em.

Antony

It's a damn good sword. [Throws the sheath away, looks around the room] It's a good place to die at any rate. Could've been a ditch in Gaul. Men that knew Alexander ... once stood here.

Vorenus

Good a place as any, I suppose

Antony

Lucius Vorenus - iron to the end. Don't you die here with me. You get out while you can.

Vorenus

I'll do that. It's been an honour, serving with you Sir.

Antony

Has it? I... I hope so. [positions the tip of the sword above his stomach] Brace it there, eh?

Vorenus

Any instructions or messages, sir?

Antony

No. Just... tell the people I died well. I died Roman.

Is he a good man?

Vorenus

Define "good".